Reflections

The Horeb Experience

2010-11-17T00:30:00.000+08:00

All of us, at one point or another, will face moments in our lives in which we would feel like giving up. Even when we are close to God, walking in His ways and seeking His will for us, there are times in our lives in which we feel that carrying the cross is just too heavy for human hands.

There are times when we feel so confident of ourselves after a personal victory; we feel like we can change the world for God's glory. Yet it is in these moments of triumph and optimism, that the devil likes to attack us. This backlash is almost too predictable from the enemy, and yet I personally find that sometimes I'm not prepared for it.

It seems that sometimes, right after a victory, we plunge almost too quickly into defeat. Ever had these experiences?

Just when you thought you got out of alcoholism, you found yourself awake one morning trying hard to recall last night's debauchery and how you compromised.

Just when you came back on fire for God after church camp, dedicating your life to Jesus, you plunge back into lusting after the things of this world.

Just when you promised to serve God with your youth, you start an emotional (sometimes even physical) relationship with a member of the opposite gender.

I've had experiences like these before. And these are the times I feel like giving up the most. These are the times I feel the worst - as if I've thrown everything away and ran from God.

At my lowest points, when I feel like giving up, I remember the story of Elijah in the mountain of Horeb.

You see, Elijah had just defeated the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel, and had turned the hearts of the Israelites back to their one and only God. He killed all the prophets and even managed to tame Ahab the King. Yet right after that victory, he fled from Jezebel, Ahab's wife. It seemed like he had thrown everything away - why run from a woman and beg to die when you've killed hundreds of men?

Elijah had an encounter with the Almighty God on Mount Horeb which he would never forget. After that encounter, it changed his perspective and from there, he never turned back. That encounter transformed Elijah into a greater, more assured prophet - He learnt to trust and lean upon God, even with his life.

In that encounter, I love the part where God speaks to Elijah - not through earthquakes or lightning or a great force of wind - in a still small voice. The voice of God spoke to Elijah, with a piercing question that made him realise the state of his relationship with God Himself.

'What are you doing here, Elijah?'

Twice the Lord asked Elijah that question; then told him to meet Him outside the mountain. The next thing that God gave was a command.

'Go back the way you came...'

Wherever you are, and no matter what you have done, God wants to draw you back to Him.

'What are you doing in that bar? Come back to me. Stay out of alcoholism.'

'Why are you placing the person you like before me? Find your source of love and comfort in Me, and serve my Kingdom.'

'What are you doing, lusting after the pleasures of this world? Find me, and I will add these things unto you.'

I take comfort in the story of how God redeemed Elijah from death and brought forth life within.

I pray that in your darkest moments of defeat, you will find God in your mountains of Horeb.

When Prayers Seem to Go Wrong

2010-11-04T23:52:00.002+08:00

I will always remember the day when we all left after our Chrisitan Fellowship Camp in 2009.

You see, our whole committee had been praying fervently for the past few weeks prior to the Camp itself, asking for God to bring revival upon our school to save the lost.

God did not turn up as I had thought He would. Our prayers seemed to have gone down the drain just like that.

I remember going home feeling defeated, being unsure of where to start again, and if I could ever trust God with my prayers again. I was bitter, wounded and humbled.

And I guess many of us have had these experiences. When we pray for something earnestly - with right motives - when all that's left seems to be for God to show up and wrap things up, somehow we were stood up by God. God seemingly chose to ignore our pleas for His intervention.

If God appears to answer our prayers so irregularly, why should we still pray?

After all, God seems to know it all. If He already knows what is best for us, and what will happen in the future, doesn't it eliminate our need to pray for things to happen?

At times like these, I like to find comfort in the Bible as I read through the Gospels about Jesus.

You see, Jesus clung on to prayer as if it was the only thing that mattered. He set aside times where He would be in solitude to pray so often in His ministry. Prayer was the first thing Jesus would turn to in the midst of the ungodly, noisy and cluttered world we live in. It was the thing which reminded Him of His real home.

Yet, though Jesus prayed fervently, many of His prayers went unanswered and even seemed to turn out as a mockery of His prayers...

The most distinct prayer Jesus prayed which is still unanswered till this day is with regards the unity of the body of Christ, 'that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you.' (John 17:21). A cursory examination into the Christian faith finds about roughly 34000 different and disctint denominations, showing Jesus' prayer to be far from answered.

Jesus had spent a whole night on a mountanside praying and asking God for direction on who to choose as the twelve apostles (Luke 6:12). A brief examination of the Twelve shows that all of them deserted Jesus when He needed them the most. Judas was the one who betrayed Jesus while Peter, the first disciple that Jesus called to follow Him, denied the very existence of Jesus in his life not once, but three times. One must have wondered if Jesus had ever questioned His Father's wisdom in the choosing of the Twelve.

However, God shows us that He is able to work through evil, to turn things out for good. Of the Twelve, Peter repented and became the rock upon which the church today is built, the other ten repented as well and became the pioneers of the greatest movement the world has ever seen - Christianity. Judas, who betrayed Jesus, provided the very act which would lead to the salvation of humanity.

Perhaps our prayers to God doesn't eliminate the chance that things do not go as we thought it would. Perhaps it doesn't cancel out the evil works of the enemy, but rather factors in the imperfections of humans to turn them into something far greater than we can ever imagine. Perhaps we are unable to see the future so far ahead, to be able to make a sound judgement on God's character and what causes Him to choose to answer some prayers and not others.

At times when I fail to see the plan that God has in store for me and my prayers seem unanswered, at these times of doubt - when I am unable to look past the giants before me - I pray this simple prayer.

'God, I acknowledge that you are God and I am not. Have Your way in my life. Your will be done.'

My prayer is that you will make this your prayer during your moments of doubt as well.

Of Love and Romance

2010-10-09T23:25:00.005+08:00

It is not too early for a 19 year old to be thinking about love and romance...

Well recently, many people around me have been talking about love and relationships. Some are eager to get attached, while others are content to wait. Regardless, here are some of the things I have learnt of romance and courtship. I hope it will inspire you, dear reader, to think deeper about romantic relationships, and challenge paradigms you held previously...

It is not wrong to want to have a romantic relationship with someone you are interested in.

It is not wrong to have a desire or longing for a partner with whom you will spend your life loving and growing together. It's how we were created.

But it becomes wrong when the pursuit of these things becomes more important than the pursuit of God Himself.

It becomes wrong when we want a relationship just to satisfy our own selfish desires, just for the sake of having 'tried out what it means to have a boyfriend/girlfriend.'

Do we actually think about what we want in a relationship? Or are we getting caught up in the spur of the moment, blinded by our own emotions and romantic ideals?

Here are some of the questions I hope you, dear reader, would consider before making a decision to explore with another partner whether God intends marriage for the both of you...

Am I prepared to lead my girlfriend spiritually and SERVE HER in EVERY WAY?
Do I have proven character and am I growing in godliness?
To whom am I accountable? What do my pastors and parents have to say?
Is starting this relationship now best for her?
Will expressing all my feelings now serve her and encourage her to love God more?
Am I willing to follow this man and always commit to support him in everything he does?
Does the way I dress encourage him to have a pure thought life?

In the end, we should all remember that as children of God, we need to learn to build others up. Even when a relationship doesn't work out, can we say that we have treated the other with respect and love, as a fellow brother or sister in Christ? Do we look back at the relationship with fondness or regret?

This is my conviction:

Ultimately, God knows all things. He knows who I will marry before I meet her. He knows who I am interested in, and who I will like. That's because He created me. But that doesn't mean that my task is to discover what He already knows or to worry that I might miss His perfect plan. My responsibility is to love Him, study His Word and deepen my relationship with Him, to become the person He wants me to be.

Perhaps God Himself is in no rush to get us into a relationship. His intent is not limited to that extent - He desires us to use this process, and all the questions and uncertainties it involves, to refine us, sanctify us and increase our faith.

Perhaps after all my worries and questions, I'll discover that all along God had the right thing at the right time for me. Perhaps His plan is more wonderful than anything I could create myself. Perhaps I should learn to trust God instead of my own plans.

God has the perfect person for us in His mind.

Are we willing to trade up for something better and submit our plans and desires to Him?

Chosen by God

2010-09-13T22:33:00.002+08:00

I remember hanging out with a friend one day, when he suddenly asked me 'who am I to you?'

Who am I?

This is a question that has been asked by so many people around the world. Students ask teachers to tell them that they're special. Spouses and partners ask each other to point out their good points. A child asks his or her parents to spot their talent.

Many times, we try to seek and discover ourselves; trying to build our own identity. We pin our self worth on the results we get - we define ourselves by our grades, by our jobs, by our net worth. We introduce ourselves to others with a whole lot of credentials behind.

Who am I?

This is a question - I'm glad to tell you - that has already been answered, long before we were created.

Who are we?

'From the foundation of the world, before time began its circuit around the cosmic clock, we were imagined in the mind of God. Formed from the infinite recesses of His counsel'

We are chosen.

Chosen to be loved.
Chosen to be saved.
Chosen to be found by Christ.

So often we forget that we are chosen by God, appointed at this very hour and season to accomplish the work He has set out for us. We forget that we serve a great and mighty God who loves us first and foremost - before our ministry, our career, our results. We are a child of God. And that's all it takes for God to snatch you up into His loving arms and embrace you.

Do not let imperfect humans who cannot comprehend the plans and purposes of an eternal God tell you who you are. Do not let them say that you are not worthy. Do not let them tell you you will never succeed. Do not believe them when they tell you you are not important.

Across the world - no matter who you are - if you are reading this, God wants to tell you this:

You are chosen.

You have been chosen by God to be a parent of a child who is struggling with cancer. Have faith.

You have been chosen by God to deal with a retrenchment; with a job crisis. See hope.

You have been chosen by God to raise a child who never seems to reciprocate your love. Take heart.

No matter what circumstances you are facing right now, God has chosen you. He wants to tell you through this blog that He loves you. That He knows your pains, your hurts and your suffering. And He will walk with you every step of the way.

Lean on Him and take heart.

For you have been chosen.

The Finish Line

2010-09-04T01:30:00.004+08:00

Into the last few weeks as a trainee; looking back, I can gratefully give all the thanks and praise to God - the one who sustained me, kept me going and one who was always there with me. During these few weeks, I've stumbled and made mistakes I shouldn't have made. But I grew closer to God because of it. Its hard to comprehend how anyone can still accept you when you've made so many mistakes and blunders, yet God still accepts me for who I am - fallible and human.

As I near the finish line, I look beyond what the current race has to offer me, and get a glimpse into the next race, battle and fight that I will have to face. Finishing my training to be a commander in the SAF is a significant milestone in my NS life. Yet, there still remains obstacles and challenges that I have yet to overcome, and will overcome with God. One thing is for sure - I can never face these giants without God.

I learnt to accept hardship and adapt my lifestyle to it in the army, though I think that my life was not as hard and tough as many others out there. I learnt to live with and for God, and relied on Him to pull me through.

Well, I guess now that I have more time to consolidate and reflect after the most intense part of army is over, I will again start to update and post on this blog. Its just amazing to read previous posts that I wrote (especially those during my JC times). Now that I am where I am, I look back and am able to see and understand God's whole plan for me. Now that I am living in the present, I am able to reflect on the past and see how God came through for me.

That is why I wanted to start this blog in the first place - so that others can, by God's orchestration, stumble unwittingly on this blog and begin to read of how God loves them, and how He wants them to lead lives filled with such purpose and destiny.

So dear reader, whoever you may be - whether you came to this site from facebook, word of mouth or from msn - know that God has brought you to this site to journey alongside with me in discovering His will and mandate for your life. Know that there is a God out there who loves you so much, just as He loves someone so unworthy such as myself. Venture on to read about how I have experienced His faithfulness, joy, mercy, grace and blessings in my life. And I pray that you will be encouraged and inspired in your own walk with Jesus. Take your time, browse through past posts about current subjects, and allow God to speak to you.

There's no rush, be still and quiet. Leave all your worries, troubles and burdens with God - He will carry you through.

I have reached a finish line in a season of my life...

A new one is just ahead beyond the horizon.

Pressing forward

2010-06-20T15:45:00.004+08:00

Going through my last season in the army as a trainee at the Engineer Training Institute. Its been barely a week inside, and I am feeling weary already. The training, regimentation and everything seemed to be catching up to me. I was feeling pretty bummed out today until I remembered who and what I was doing this for.

I don't know why I am posted to Engineers and what God has for me there - I am nothing like the science and maths people who are predominant at ETI. Not to mention that I feel pretty much inadequate there. I struggle to catch up with understanding and learning the lessons because I haven't touched maths and science since the 'O' levels. In short, I don't think I fit in.

But God has different plans for all of us. When we find that we don't understand anything; when we realise that we cannot do it on our own, thats where we turn to God and rely on His great love and grace to carry us through.

I find myself turning to God everyday, at nearly every junction, at ETI. It has forced me to rely on Him like never before, and the thing is, I think I am glad to do so. For awhile, I've been thinking that I can handle army and everything on my own - that I've grown up enough to be able to deal with my own life without help. Its time to acknowledge that I need God, and need Him like never before.

I go back into camp today trusting in God's plan and purpose for me - I know that its going to be alright. For though suffering lasts for awhile, faith and hope lasts forever. God's plans will stand the test of time and eternity. It will never be shaken; never be taken away. In this I thus rejoice and know that God will equip me to do His will in NS.

How about you? Have you found yourself in a situation where you think you don't fit in, and feel grossly inadequate?

Trust God and press forward - breakthrough is just round the corner.

040610

2010-06-04T23:01:00.003+08:00

Well, its been a long time since I've blogged about anything. Going through SCS in command school has been a really hectic time, and I've not been able to sit down and properly think about what to blog about.

So well, I feel that its time to update stuff in this blog!

Basically, having gone through even more outfield experiences in SCS, I feel that I've grown much more - not just in terms of leadership, but in my walk with God as well. I learnt how to rejoice even in times of suffering, and have not complained so much about everything in army :) As Romans would say, suffering => perseverance => character => hope which does not disappoint us. I have learnt to lean upon God and hope more in Him and His ways.

Which brings me to my next update (on a more serious note). I've been rejected by NUS and SMU Law school this year, and I'm not sure where to go from there. Well honestly, its been a childhood ambition of mine to pursue law since young. And being so close away from getting into Law really sucks. Initially I felt lost and confused - it felt like suddenly the light of my path just blew away, leaving me in total darkness with no inkling of where to head next.

But after some time to think and ponder, I still have to say that God is still God, and that He is good - His love endures through all generations (Psalms 100:5). I trust and accept His will, knowing that He will come through for me eventually. Well to think of it more optimistically, being in this situation forces me to rely so much more on God. With no direction, all I can do is to look to Him, putting all my faith and trust in the God who has given me so much.

I don't know where I'll be heading to in the next season of my life. But the things that are certain will never change - God is still in control; He has a plan and purpose for me. A plan which is good for me, not good to me.

God's love for us compels Him to always look for the best for us, even if it means He has to go to the dirtiest places to get them.

How about you? Will you still trust in God's good plan for you, even when things seem to be going wrong?

Thinking God should visit you at the altars

2010-04-25T00:43:00.003+08:00

This post is recalled from a long time ago.

I remember that I was at the front of the altars responding and asking for a fresh encounter with Him. I can remember feeling very dry in my walk with God, and somehow I felt very disconnected and distracted from the worship. A sense of frustration built inside me, and I asked for a fresh encounter with God once again. Just a touch from God, I felt, would rekindle the fire once again. Just a touch would remind me of everything I once held dear. There and then I waited and fervently asked God for an encounter which could change the way I was feeling then. I waited and waited and waited... ...

I did not receive any encounter that very day, I remember clearly. But I did learn something that day:

We always expect God to appear in our lives in a great and awesome way. We expect a great and big God to show up and make His presence and power known to all. We expect Him to work in miraculous ways which defy every single rule on earth.

And many times I always look for God in the big and magnificient things. I expect Him to come from the heavens, doing mind baffling and logic defying things for me. I always thought that a big God could and should only show up in a gigantic and glorious way. I never looked out for God in the small things.

I never saw God's faithfulness in the whisper of wind, in the smell of fresh dew in the morning; in the rain that splashes onto the earth. I never see Him in the little things that He did for me. I neglect and forget the many small, but nonetheless relevant and important, prayers that were answered by God - I only look out for the huge stuff. Like how we always see the huge fireworks in the sky but neglect small sparks on earth.

But God does not work that way. God has set in place natural laws on earth which He follows as closely as possible, unless in His divine wisdom, He deems it necessary to intervene. And throughout history, we see that God always shows up and intervenes in the laws of nature only at critical points of history, to tip the balance towards His plans. Whats the point of setting up rules and laws on earth only to for them to be broken again and again?

God has no need to present Himself in such a light, because He did not create earth and mankind so that He could flaunt His majesty and miraculous powers. God created earth and mankind so that He could have a relationship with them, that He could love and be loved in return.

So I learnt to look out for God's faithfulness in everyday events which may be small but yet, when put together, reveal to me the complete way in which God has shaped me and changed me with His huge hand. These things only take time to realise, and thats why we need to continue to persevere when things do not seem to be what we like them to be. These things happen so that we could be built up, strengthened because of it, and emerge loving God more than ever before.

How about you? Do you also always tend to look for God in the huge things He does for you?

Look for God in every little thing, for You will surely find His presence at every step and journey of your life.

New Season; Same Old Reason

2010-04-15T23:50:00.002+08:00

Another 9 hours to go before I receive my new posting in the army.

It has been a fresh experience in NS, albeit one which has been tiring mentally, physically and spiritually.

Its time to put things into perspective before I move into the next season in army which God has mapped out for me to take.

I know God will have a plan for me wherever I am posted in my next phase of NS life, and even with regards university applications as well as in my ministry. I am wholly devoted and submitted unto His will, and will strive to do my best wherever I go for His glory.

And honestly, I have been afraid of getting a tough posting (e.g. OCS) in the army. I was afraid of the training - that I would feel alone, tired, weary and low. I was unsure of what is going to happen in the next few months... ...

Funny thing is, I read the bible and it told me something entirely different from the norm:

'In this you GREATLY REJOICE, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise.'
- 1 Peter 1:6-7

What?

We rejoice when we're going through a tough patch in life?

Rejoice when I'm about to get lots of physical, mental and emotional punishment?

Rejoice when our results are poor?

Rejoice in the midst of terrible hardship and trials?

Rejoice in the middle of the storm?

Yup, thats what the bible exhorts us to do - Simply and greatly rejoice. Because while suffering lasts for awhile, our faith will be built to last forever. Because while we are broken, it gives God a chance to come in and fix things up and help us through the day. Because we live for a greater purpose. Because we live for something bigger than ourselves - we live for God.

I don't know who you are, what circumstances you are facing right now and whether or not you are pondering the same old issues I have been struggling to grapple with since this blog began. But I know one things for sure - I know God is God, and God is good. He will never let us be tempted beyond what we can bear; and when we have overcome what He has set before us, our faith will be further refined - purer than even gold - that we may give God the honour and glory.

At every new transition of my life, I've grappled with the issue of trusting God. However it always brings me back to the same answers: 1) I love God, 2) He has shown His faithfulness no matter where I go and 3) He has a great plan for me.

Therefore, I'm going into a new season with the same purpose, the same reason - to show Jesus Christ and His love to others. To show them the way, the truth and the light. To teach them how to love and be loved in return.

New season, same old reason.

Letting Go

2010-04-13T00:16:00.004+08:00

This is the point when you realise how insignificant you are.

This is the point when you discover that you are just too tired to carry on.

This is the point when you finally admit you need help. God's help.

I've been worried about nearly almost everything happening in my life right now. From whether I will get into command school in NS and whether I would survive it, to my university applications and their results, to my ministry direction, I've been thinking and pondering each and every outcome that could happen. And I realised this is all pointless... ...

If your future is going to be the best that it can ever be because God is in control, why worry?

If every step of your way is directed by God's will, with His presence to follow you wherever you may go, why hesitate to step forward?

I found out that I was actually afraid to let go and let God take over. A friend once mentioned that as you grow older, you don't become more mature: 'You just become more afraid to lose things.' And I feel its true to a certain extent for me. The more things I gain, the more I'm afraid to lose.

Getting good A level results because of God's grace made me think that the world was mine to take, and made me hungry for more. It made me want to decide my own future. It made me feel as if I could set my own course, my own direction, my own life. Basically, it made me feel as if I was God.

So, I give my future once again to God's hands. Wherever I go in NS, university and ministry is God's choice and entirely due to His grace towards a sinner such as myself. I know that God will be in control, and that's all that is enough for me - its all I need to know. Its every reason for me to do my best wherever I go.

Its time once again to be small, to be insignificant - and realise how big God is.

Its time for me (once again) to realise who's God and who is not.

Its time for me to jump off the cliff of self-reliance and self-sufficiency, and let the grace of God carry me through.

How about you?

'Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.'
-Phil 4:6-7

Week 5: Lost

2010-03-14T00:53:00.005+08:00

Have you ever been totally lost without a sense of direction?

Well, I can safely say right now that I have after my field camp!

Basically I got lost in the jungle in close terrain (e.g. super thick vegetation with vines and trees and branches) during our night confidence walk.

Well, everyone gets lost in short jungle walks for hours and needs a search party with lights to find them (but even the search party couldn't find them because they had ninja training). No big deal, lets move on.

In the dense jungle with thick branches that grab and pull at you, you somehow search for things which will lead you out of your misery. And the only thing you look out for in the plain darkness is one single thing. No, it's not candy and it's definitely not coke either.

The one thing you will search for in darkness is: light.

Light dispels all darkness and helps shine your path. It guides your footsteps so you don't trip and fall over obstacles and get shallow but very irritating cuts on your finger and arms. Light brings with it the hope of rescue, and the joy of relief.

It's the same with God's kingdom. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. He alone is our light in life - one who shines the path of salvation. Many who once walked in the light chose to stray from the path; they delve further and further into darkness. Others have yet to know and see the light - they don't believe there could ever be relief from their darkness.

It's the same with God's kingdom. We are the light, God's light. We carry with us the fire of God to light and show the way out for others. It is time for us not to be selfish and use this light for our own benefit only. It is time for us to step up and shine our light.

And as we step up, God will elevate us higher and higher up - so that we can shine our light more brightly for all to see. Let us all therefore focus on shining God's light, and let God bring us to positions of influence to better shout His fame.

'I am the light of the world, whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'
- Jesus (John 8:12)

Week 4: Hiding from God

2010-02-28T17:43:00.007+08:00

I was selfish and I hated to admit it.

You need me to help you carry your load? Sure! Only if I am comfortable with my own. If not, I'm so sorry please ask the person beside me.

God you want me to give up time to serve You? Sure I would! Only if I have time for leisure myself.

And even though I knew I was selfish, I refused to let God deal with it - I chose to hide it from God. I kept selfish in a drawer within my cupboard of life, locked the drawer up and threw away the keys. I thought God could never stand such unsightly things in my cupboard. I tried to cover up my selfishness by doing seemingly selfless deeds for others which cost me nothing.

In short, I tried to overcome this problem on my own.

But God knows everything about us. Only when we ask Him for help, can he clean up our mess. God already knows we are all broken. But He can't fix it if we ourselves deny Him the chance to do so.

For a long time, I was hiding my mistakes from God. I refused to acknowledge I needed help. Until one day I was too tired to put up the act.

'God I need you,' I cried. 'I need you to help clear this mess up.'

And from there, the exterior I had been putting up - the rags which I had worn, that I thought was a fine suit - was removed by God. He took away all pretense, changed my torn garment and gave me a new robe.

Once we realise we can never do without God, we come before Him with all our sins - the gross, dirty and ugly sins. In all our hideousness, we stand before God who does the very opposite of what we expect Him to do. We expect judgement, but we find mercy. We expect wrath, but find peace. We expect disdain, but find love.

Lets all come before God and confess to Him what we have been hiding from Him, but which He already knows - thats where healing takes place. Lets all stand before God in all our brokeness and from there, let the amazing grace of God catch us and hold us tight.

Lets find redemption, grace and salvation in the arms of God.

Week 2: Deliverance

2010-02-21T14:39:00.004+08:00

I have something I want to confess to all readers today.

I just need to get this out - it's been something I haven't really been sharing with others, and not many people know this.

The truth is, I LOVE COKE. I dig it.

I just love the stuff, I think I'm addicted to it - Its black gold. I used to believe God loves Coke as well. Revelations 21 says that 'the street of the city (heaven) [is] pure gold, transparent as glass'. Come on, if God doesn't love Coke, He wouldn't lay it out on His streets.

But during my time in NS, I think that I have gotten over Coke (they don't sell it in Tekong). That just about sums up my deliverance story from Coke.

Jokes aside, I want to talk about deliverance in NS and what I learnt about it. Well in NS, its pretty tough and draining, physically and spiritually. But I have learnt to rely on God. And what's more, I also learnt to stay positive in NS.

I was listening to Chrisitan music one day, feeling totally drained out from the tiring trainings. To be honest, I had a severe case of diarrhoea three times that day. I felt very very weak, but I still managed to soldier through the whole day's training without reporting sick. So back to me lying on the floor and listening to music. I had a revelation with my back on the ground and eyes toward the heavens; music in my ears - how can we praise God when we have not been saved from anything (i.e. delivered)?

We can't sing of God's faithfulness, mercy and grace until we have been put into trying situations in which we cry out to Him for help. Just as there cannot be smoke without fire, there cannnot be genuine praise to God without deliverance. And many of David's psalms, which are a source of my meditations everyday, could not have been borne out of good times. His most beautiful psalms are the ones which speak of immesurable pain; suffering - many of his psalms are filled with metaphors and analogies of torture - and yet of deliverance.

Therefore, the more I go through suffering, I look at it not as something to tear me down. The numerous push ups, sit ups and physical exertions we have to do as punishment - I look at it as an opportunity for God to deliver me. It is a fresh opportunity for God to show His favour, mercy and faithfulness to me. And I know I will emerge from the whole experience more rooted and strengthened by God.

The reason why I go through suffering is so that I can be broken, for God to build me up again. I pour out my life on the altar as a sacrifice to God, and I know I will rise strengthened and lifted up.

Thus I look forward to periods of trial, for they are points where I will seek God, find Him all the more, and love Him even more.

How about you? How do you view your sufferings and trials?

Find God in everything - because He is.

Week 1

2010-02-13T12:22:00.002+08:00

So I'm back from my first week in army, and everyone is asking me what it feels like to be inside. Besides revealing any sensitive information about army, I would gladly answer any questions.

Basically, the gist of my experience can be summed up with these sentences: Physically it is endurable. Spiritually, it's a daily battle. But this is all part of God's plan for my life.

I am constantly reminded of 1 Cor 10:13 - 'No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.'

In my company - and in particular my section - the culture is such that most of the people there talk about sex nearly 24/7, and a vulgarity is heard at least once a minute. It seems that every conversation with people around me either leads to sex talk, or has a sexual innuendo interpreted/wrung out (what happened to discpline, professionalism and ethics, one of the few core values of the SAF?)

But I know that as long as I stick close to God, I know I will overcome. For Romans 8:37 tells me that I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus. I know I can handle this temptation, and that I will rise above it. I will choose to set myself apart from the rest, for Christ. For I am called to be in the world, but not of it.

Each and everyday in army brings a fresh challenge, a fresh opportunity for myself to push my limits and to mature and be moulded into the man God wants me to be. I continually remind myself that I am first a soldier for Christ, and then for my country - I serve a greater purpose than most of the people in army.

Lastly, regardless of where God chooses to place me after BMT - be it to be an officer, a specialist or a man - I know that He has a plan to prosper and establish me; to place me in a position of influence to touch and impact lives for His glory. It is once said that being an officer is an attitude of the heart and mind, beyond just the rank - and I share the same view.

So wherever I go, I know that I can only rise above the storm and get better and better, as long as I stay close to God - and I will.

So, Happy Chinese New Year to one and all, and I hope that you will similarly let God bring you to new challenges and simultaneously, new peaks. Have a blessed Valentines Day!

P.S. I may only be posting weekly from now on, because of my current NS schedule, till further notice. God bless :)

Living in the present

2010-02-04T01:45:00.002+08:00

Its really awesome to read fellow Christian's blogs, because they really do edify and build you up. And God uses them to speak so clearly to you sometimes, it's just really amzazing.

So God spoke to me today about living in the present......

I was always afraid.

Afraid of a future I can't control.

I guess I'm the type of person who always tries to live in the future - I tend to treat the present for granted. I usually get sick/tired/bored of the present, and look forward to things in the future. In fact, I like to visualise the future quite a lot. Every and any scenario of what the future would be like would be seized upon by my brain and replayed over and over, and what's more, I sometimes even feel the emotions from the future.

Take for example, my A levels. I have just about played out most of the scenarios that could happen on results day in my mind. In my mind's eye, I get a glimpse of what is to come. In my mind's eye, I am in control.

I can't wait for the future to come to pass because I can't stand the present wait, but once the future comes to pass (which now means the future becomes the present), I somehow move on. I don't savour anything from the present, but always looked forward to the future.

I guess you can call that forward looking on one hand.

However, on the other, its something I would really like to tone down a little. Because I just can't appreciate the present. Maybe this is a sign of youth - Always thinking of the future as if time is infinite, and there will always be a future to look towards. Nonetheless, I would want to take time to savour the present, to live in the now.

Because the present is the only place I can participate in. I can't accomplish anything in the future, or change anything in the past. And satan loves to keep us either trapped in our past mistakes, or worried about a future we can't control. So that we can't act in the present.

I'm going to choose to act in the present; to savour the present. Yes, its good to be forward looking and pragmatic and whatever name you might want to name it. But I also feel that there is a time and place for the now.

'There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.' - Ecc 3:1

And God's timing is the right timing; God's plan is the right plan. And so I'm just going to trust in God.

I've been worrying about NS the past few days. But maybe right now, all I need to do is just to appreciate the now. To live in the present. To 'let tomorrow worry for itself'.

What about you? Are you trapped in past mistakes/failures? Worried about the future?

Take some time to appreciate the now - its God's gift to us. That's why it's called the present =)

Spring cleaning

2010-02-01T00:59:00.004+08:00

It's almost funny how fast we can destroy ourselves.

I realised how fast my life can be filled with dirt and trash when I try to live life on my own terms and not God's.

I catch myself on youtube and facebook wandering aimlessly, going to my twitter account trying to think of a status update when the fact is that I really have nothing going on, thinking of really negative/discouraging thoughts about NS and feeling really lonely.

I caught myself in the process of posting quite a negative post and decided to do something about it...

Once again, its time for spring cleaning! I know it might be way before Chinese New Year, but I can't help it - I'm a typical Singaporean when it comes to these things. So being the overly enthusiastic (kiasu) christian that I am, I cleaned up my 'house' or spiritual 'temple' just in case God decided to visit this CNY and we all rapture to heaven. And once I get to heaven, I will hopefully get a chance of asking God two questions because I was such a good boy:

1) Whats up with mosquitos?
2) Can I get a small cottage in heaven? You know, the type with great big golden doors and just about a hundred rooms?

I'm kidding. (or am I?)

Nonetheless, the point is that I'm getting my act together. I'm pulling up my socks -oh yes I am. So here's goodbye to wasting time on the internet; more time together with God; more time for reading Philip Yancey and his awesome books about christian living, and definitely less time thinking negatively about NS and life. And even more Hillsongs and christian music instead of Chris Daughtry (ouch!) and crappy music that does not edify - I mean, a five star hotel can't have like heavy metal music as its ambience can it? You get my point.

Out goes the trash that I have grown comfortable around. I'm filling up my life with God. And I know that I may not have as much time as I would like - enlistment is only 6 days away - but I'm going to make the best use of it as I can. I shall fill these 6 days with God, and they're going to be so packed with Him that it will overflow into the next 6 weeks, then the next 6 months, the next 6 years, and so on. And NS will be over in no time.

God's going to be with me, and I know that's all that matters. And whats more, I'm going to make my house as clean as I possibly can, so that God will have no choice but to stay in there - while I'm sleeping in dirty trenches, my temple shall be like a palace. And God's going to be as pleased as punch with me (Y), he might really grant me two questions. But I doubt God will answer the second one with a 'yes'. BECAUSE HEAVEN IS GOING TO BE SO BIG I CAN HAVE MORE THAN 100 ROOMS ;) muahaha.

What about you? Is it time for you to clean up your life?

A short thank you message

2010-01-29T13:01:00.004+08:00

Here's a short message to thank everyone for reading this blog. It has truly been my priveledge to embark on an amazing journey online with everyone.

Together we have journeyed through deserts, weathered storms, stumbled on roadblocks, faced uncertainty, experienced love and embraced beauty.

It has really been aweseome looking at how God has used this blog - a place for me to air my thoughts and track my own growth - to touch others as well.

So, here's a picture collection of (most of) my posts - I always like to upload a picture along with my post. Hope this brings back memories =) Oh by the way, its not very nicely done up because I did this at like 2am, but oh well =)

Here it is!

And here I would like to ask everyone reading this a small favour: If its good, please spread it around. If God has somehow touched you through my posts, I hope that you would help spread this around, so that more people can be impacted by God. Yes, it sounds shameless of me but trust me, it really is not for personal fame or whatever that I'm asking of this - I don't even know who reads this blog. So yup! Please pass the blessing on and lets all watch how God uses this blog for His glory =)

Once again, thank you for being a part of my journey =)

Burying the past. Regret.

2010-01-29T00:39:00.004+08:00

I wished I could have done it differently.

If only I had learnt this earlier.

Why didn't I think of that?

These were some of my thoughts about how last year was. After how things played out last year - more defeats than victories, more sorrow than happiness and so on - I thought hard about how things could have or even should have been.

And then I start to blame.

'If only I was not that ignorant, maybe I could have led the cell better.'

'If only I could convince people better, maybe I could have stopped them from hurting themselves.'

If only, if only, if only...

I turn over every stone and examine the past, scrutinising nearly every minute of it. I found it so hard to let go of past failures...

And then I finally learnt. And I hope that everyone here who is still experiencing regret and massive disappointments because of the past can learn as well. It could be because you lost your job, your marriage/relationship failed, you did badly in your studies, or in any other circumstance. I don't know the specifics of your situation, but I know that God does. And I know that He would want you to know this:

'God didn't ask you to be God that day.'

I realised that I could have 1 million 'if only I had done this...' possibilities. If only I could be 1000 times wiser, if only I could know everything, if only I could be omnipresent and give my all in my ministry, church, cca, studies, not to mention my family and leisure. In short, I wanted to be God in that situation.

But I believe God didnt ask for that. There were many times when I wished God had been the one handling the situation. If God were leading my cell, it would be way bigger than it was last year. But God chose us. Sure, it might take longer to advance His kingdom, but WE mere humans could be a part of it. Sure, things might not have been ideal, and God's plans might take a longer time to fulfil, but WE could have a hand in shaping the cosmos.

All that matters, is that 1) we love God with all our heart, and 2) we tried our best in that situation. If things do not go as planned because of our shortcomings, we learn from them. And we pick ourselves up. And we move on.

Thus I bury my past today - past failures, disappointments, regrets and pains. I choose to let go, and carry on for the sake of God's kingdom. I come before God broken, crushed and humbled. And from there, I know He will mould me into something bigger, something greater.

And I hope everyone reading this gets to realise this sooner, because it will save them lots of hurt.

Lets submit our regrets to God, and let God be God.

Preparation

2010-01-23T23:39:00.003+08:00

Can't believe I'm going to enlist in just about 2 weeks. The feeling is so surreal, almost as if I still have a long time more. Just went through pre-NS camp, which is a camp led by ex-NSFs in my church. And I have to say, I'm actually feeling a little apprehension as the date draws near.

I never knew NS could be that rigourous; not just in physical terms.

I never expected NS to be that dreary and draining.

Who am I kidding? I thought that the next 2 years would be smooth sailing. I actually thought that after a rigorous 2 years of JC, that I might get some slack in NS - some sort of 'holiday' given by God to me. I thought that life after JC would be all rosy and wonderful.

I actually thought that the enemy would cut me some slack.

But I realised that never happens in reality. As is said before, in life we are either in a problem, coming out of a problem, or just entering a problem. Life is not going to be smooth sailing. The enemy will try his best to unsettle us, to knock us over when we least expect.

I thank God for the camp, which has roused me from my idealistic perspective of life. Its never going to be easy to witness in NS, to be a soldier of Christ. But with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, I will try.

I will always remember that I serve the one true God, and nothing else.

NS is not going to be a walk in the park (literally), and I need to start preparing. Physically, mentally, emotionally and most importantly, spiritually. I am, for the first time, afraid of what the future holds for me.

'No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.' Romans 8:37

With God, I know I will overcome.

Love

2010-01-13T00:39:00.003+08:00

Love is...

The feeling which warms your heart.

The motivation which causes people to do things they never dreamed of doing.

Intense passion that consumes.

Something which cannot be merely described by words, but experienced...

Love. The greatest gift God gave to the human race - the most powerful of emotions one can ever experience. Many have endeavoured to find true love; few ever find it.

Some search for it in people - people disappoint.

Many others try to find it in addictions and in material things. Money, drugs, sex amongst others - they wear off over time.

Only a few find it in God.

I am really grateful to be a second generation Christian (though it has its cons), because through my Christian upbringing, I turned to God. Through my Christian upbringing, I am otherwise forced to accept something which I have never seen tangibly; something which cannot be empirically, scientifically, deductively and inductively proven. I am grateful.

Because of my upbringing, I was able to discover on my own a rich, vast and endless realm of love. A whole new landscape. I was able to enter into a relationship with God, and experience a whole new level of love. Everyday with God brings me to new rivers, mountains, open fields and horizons. I've known what it feels like to be loved, and to be in love. Love which grips me tight. Love which changes my life.

But I am also painfully reminded by God that love is not just a noun. Its not just something which we speak of only. Love is a verb. An action word. Something which compels one to live out, to do. Love has to be shared. Love has to be spread. It seems almost despicably selfish of me to keep what I have experienced to myself, and I am even more remorseful when I recall that I sometimes walk past a beggar on the street not bothering to give him/her a second glance. Not caring about others around me who are in obvious needs, and who have obvious hurts. It is almost too easy for me to keep this inside of me.

That changes today. That changes now. I will choose to tell others about Jesus. To teach others how to love and be loved in return. It doesn't have to be something huge, like selling off everything I own and travelling to Ethiopia. Sometimes all it takes is a kind sms or msn message to someone, a genuine listening ear, a heartfelt condolence.

Most importantly, it has to start from God and an awareness of Him. It has to start from being loved by God, because only He can renew the love inside of us. Only God can fill us up, to overflow to others around us.

Let us thus empty our cups. Forget past hurts, past wrongs, past failures, past regrets and past sufferings. Pour it all out upon God's altar. Then begin to receive God's abundant and overwhelming love. And then, spread some of it to others around us.

Spread God's greatest gift to us all - Love.

The words of grace

2010-01-07T00:09:00.003+08:00

What does grace mean? Does grace mean forgiving someone again and again even though you know your act of forgiveness is going to be wasted? Does grace mean being disappointed time and time again? Does grace mean opening up yourself to being hurt by those you care about most?

Questions that seem so hard to answer; answers that seem so hard to find. I found it in the bible in a passage which describes an event at the periphery of a major point in human history. The eye before the storm. The last supper. Luke 22:31-32 accounts Jesus talking to Simon Peter. 'Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat,' he tells Simon. But here is the next sentence which demands closer attention...

'But I have prayed for you Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.'

And when you have turned back.

After you have sold me out like a common thief.

When you have betrayed my trust and faith in you.

After you have deserted me when I need you the most.

When after all that we have been through, you still decide to renounce me.

When you have turned back.

And what follows the comma is called grace. Because what I would have told Simon Peter would be like this:

'And when you have turned back, do not assume for one moment that you are fit to come close to my holy presence.'

'And when you have turned back, you will spend the rest of your life in reflection, remorse and guilt over what you did.'

But Jesus said, 'strengthen your brothers.' In other words, 'I still accept you into my kingdom.' In other words, 'Continue to live out your destiny in me.' In other words, 'I still have the best plan and purpose for you.'

I have found comfort in this verse. It means, after I have sinned and after I have drifted from God, I still have a place in His kingdom. And thats where I learned what grace means.

In the past year, I have sold Jesus out for my studies. I sold Jesus out when I decided to turn to facebook, twitter and youtube instead of reading His Word. I sold Him out when I decided to trust in my own strength in my ministry. I sold Him out by putting myself as the centre of my life.

But the God of infinite grace and love is still holding out my future and destiny to me. He is still extending the great plans and future He has in store for me, to me. And I can find no words to express the gratitude I have towards such a giver of grace. And all I can do through my actions is plain and simple:

Strengthen my brothers.

Help them to avoid what I have done. Help them to place God as their centre. Help them to trust in Him. Help them to arise as God's chosen army to claim my generation. Help them to be more like God.

Let us all accept and extend to others the grace that Jesus extends to us after the comma.

Not sharing first in cell group

2010-01-05T23:56:00.007+08:00

Ever wondered why there is a deafening silence after every question that is thrown out by your facilitator? Or have you ever wondered why your cell is not opening up to each other?

Fret not dear reader! I hope this post (from my past experiences) will enlighten you :)

There is always a silence after every question because no one wants to start first - no one knows what is off limits, and what is acceptable for everyone to hear. And so, someone would usually start the 'safe sin' confession. It goes something like this:

Someone would usually say, 'I'll be honest with everyone here tonight, like I have always been because we are all not afraid to share our lives in this cell. I need to get this off my chest and give everyone the plain truth like I'm Morpheus from the Matrix.'

You wait with bated breath. You eagerly anticipate the moment of revelation about someone else. You prick up your ears and sit up straight for once during the whole time of cell...

'The truth is, I have not been reading my bible enough.'

Thats it. I can't be in the same cell group as Borge (not a real name) anymore. Not reading your bible enough? That is THE limit. Impossible! What a sinner. And once he's shared, the next catches the same bug...

'The real truth is: I have not been praying regularly.'

And that spoils everything the facilitator/cell leader is trying to steer the cell towards - deeper sharing. Everyone starts to conceal their real sins. Being a second generation Christian, one would know he can't follow up the 'bible guy' with something like this:

'The other day I told my parents I was going to stay up late to watch a soccer match, but I was actually surfing porn on the internet.'

And that is really a pity, because even though the whole group needs a Saviour, they have to still bother about looking clean and good.

Hence I shall attempt this year to share first, and to share real. I find that a lesson I learnt last year, is to step up first. Once you open up your life, it gives the second guy next to you freedom to share anything. There will no longer be anything that is 'off-limits' to anyone. By exposing yourself first, you give the gift of going second to someone else.

Its so much harder to share first. You don't know what is acceptable to everyone, but you just take the leap. You lob the bombshell in and deal with whatever frag that comes your way. And it gets easier for everyone else to throw in their dirty secrets as it goes along. And that's where you get honesty and deep sharing. Plus respect and growth.

I always wondered why leaders always had to share first, and I thought it was a stupid rule. Now I see it differently. And I respect those who honestly share first about their real struggles. Someone has to start, and I think all of us should do so. Want a cell with an open culture?

Lets give the gift of going second to others around us.

Uncertainty

2010-01-05T01:23:00.003+08:00

You have hit a point in your life when you finally realise that you ran out of road. The path ahead is plain landscape. No finger posts to point you to any direction; nothing ahead to aim for. You are uncertain. Going back is not an option - it never was. Quite frankly, you are just waiting at that point where the road ends.

And that is where the routine of life hits you. Hard. You find you have time now to sleep, and yet you don't feel like sleeping. You find that you have time now to fulfil resolutions you set aside for after A levels, but you just can't find the resolve to do it. You wake up, occupy yourself with anything and everything you can find and then lament that there was not enough of it. You go on facebook and randomly read about other people's lives, and you post/tweet messages which say everything but give away nothing. In short, you are bumming around.

That is somewhat of an insight into my life right now. I had been trying to ask God for a direction/vision/purpose to my life after A levels, and quite frankly I had gotten nothing so far. No voice from God, no prompting. It is either God has spoken to me and I've been trying to run away from it, or that God is not speaking to me. Or that is what I used to think.

I realised one day that I had been seeking God so hard, it was as if God didn't have a plan for me. God convicted me that day, that He had a plan and purpose for my life, even before I was born. In God, my future is certain. I have a calling and mission. And all that I feel I should do now, is trust in God and wait upon Him. I will wait at the end of the road, till I see God opening a path and beckoning me to follow. I will patiently wait for God to show up and for His doors to open. And that means that I have time on my hands now...

Rather than bum around, I decided to do something about life in general. I decided to appreciate the small things in life. To walk around in communion with God and just letting Him show me His creations. I also decided to serve Him more with the time I have left (before I go into NS). Right now, I am totally available to serving God and His church, but have yet to be called up despite making known my availability haha. But I'm sure things will become more and more busy, because God will bring in opportunities to serve Him.

2010 has started off with a relatively tranquil and peaceful note. I am rested spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. Ready for the new challenges this year brings. Don't know how I'm going to overcome them all, but I know for sure God will be there always - even if I stumble and fall.

'(For) those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.' - Isa 40:31

Prayer and culture

2010-01-04T01:44:00.003+08:00

'God! I had enough of pushy Koreans!' I cried out to God one day (To any Koreans, please do not be offended by this - read on!) To be honest, the Koreans that I had met in Korea during my holiday were generally very impatient, insincere and most of all, aloof. Personally, I was pushed/shoved around in the streets, spoken to in a rude manner, and was becoming quite afraid and yet frustrated with the culture in Korea. (I hope to believe that it only reflects a minority of the whole population of Korea) In general, the people whom we met on holiday were not very friendly and polite.

I was about to lament again to God about it when God gave me a new understanding and perspective of Korea and its people. Remembering facts from my history class, I was aware that Korean history has not been very pretty. They had been regularly invaded by neighbouring countries, and were also proxies used by superpower nations in the Cold War. Even right now, their country is still in a state of war, with only an armistice seperating destruction and devastation between both the North and South. It was only around 2000 that the destruction of the 1951-1953 war was cleared up, according to the tour guide. (In 2000, I was probably attending a nice school and having a comfortable home to live in, in a country totally free from war or destruction).

The repeated hardships which befell the Koreans had produced a stubborn and resilient population. Looking at it this way, I started to be less condemning of the pushing. After all, if my own country were invaded that many times, and is still in the midst of a war, I would probably be as irritated, frustrated and pushy about life as well. But there was more that God spoke to me about.

This resilient nature of the Koreans was reflected in their Christian living, and is something we should all learn from. The Koreans do not play church. That is how they can have an 800 000 strong membership church. That is why they have such a thing as a prayer mountain (a village on a mountain capable of housing 26 000 members) where people actually go up to and pray, pray, eat, sleep and pray. The church I visited in Korea (Youida Full Gospel Church) was built around a culture of prayer. Prayer forms the foundation and rock upon which the church could be built upon. I once heard that its Senior Pastor wakes up at 4am daily and prays till 6am and then goes to work. I guess the Koreans do bring in their stubborness and faith to their prayers, because they seem to be working. In the midst of the gloom and despair of their world around them, the largest church in the world can be established for God's glory.

There and then, I was convicted to learn from the Korean 'stubborn' style of prayer, stemming from their culture. And I started to be less critical of the culture of Korea...

Why we are losing the fight...

2010-01-02T23:34:00.002+08:00

As much as this seems like a very taboo/direct/blunt/open topic to everyone, I have decided to blog about this because it was what God spoke to me about. Thus I will not attempt to mince my words - I am not afraid/ashamed of speaking about it precisely because it is happening right in front of everyone. Curious? Read on faithful and dear reader!

I was shopping/walking around Yeoju factory outlet (where everything was supposedly to be at discounted prices but was almost similar to prices in Singapore) when I passed by a very suggestive and nearly obscene advertisement (in the form of a huge poster from the floor to ceiling). I shall not attempt to describe it here, but it was really a sad indictment of the moral standard and values of this world we live in today......

Why we are losing the fight against pornography and promiscuity is definitely a combination of factors which I shall attempt to articulate here.

We are losing this fight is because everyone, even very young toddlers, are able to take in huge posters (glorified and glamourised) of very suggestive poses. Promiscuity becomes a highly attractive lifestyle. Nearly every single promotion/advertisement comes with lustful pictures of women (and sometimes men). I came back to Singapore and saw on a cab a woman posing for an advertisement for bak kwa suggestively. I was seriously like 'Give me a break!' because I think they were more like selling a different type of meat than bak kwa... -.-

We are also losing this fight because of our culture. No offence, but I think parents in Singapore need to really step out of their comfort zones to honestly talk about sex and such issues with their children early. What fight is there when parents only mention the word sex once or twice (and that is to substitute the word 'gender') to an 18 year old youth and kids as young as 10 are already having sex? Biology and moral/health education class teachers are not meant to replace proper education about sex by parents. Youths are also quick and mature enough to understand such things at a young age.

I have found that winning the fight requires a daily effort. With so much crap being flung at christians from all sides (even when they want to buy bak kwa for Chinese New Year) it needs a secret weapon to be used daily. This secret is found in Romans 12:2 which says:

'Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.'

I found out that daily prayer and seeking God does this job. When I talk to God I conveniently ask Him to renew my mind as an 'oh by the way, could you...' request. And prayer/constant communication with God allows me to be transported to the secret place, to see things from God's timeless and eternal point of view. To be hidden under the shadow of God's almighty wing, insulated from all the nonsense that characterises our society and world today.

This fight is not over yet. We may be struck down, but us Christians are not destroyed.

We have heard the thunder
We have seen the storm
Echoes of your kingdom coming
Rumors of our home
Where one day we will stand before you Lord
Our altogether beautiful reward

It is with You Jesus, where we truly belong. Temporal things of this world fade away, but only You remain. Guard our hearts and minds till the day we see You face to face. Amen.

Beauty

2010-01-02T00:22:00.006+08:00

I stepped into The Face Shop in Korea with my tour group. The shop saleswoman gathered everyone and started explaining and promoting different types of beauty products. From wrinkle removers (which really worked and were very impressive) to the Korean secret to porcelain faces (BB Cream!), everything in the shop was the latest and most effective products to enhance one's outer beauty.

It was, after all, Korea. A country obsessed with outer beauty. In an extremely patriarchal (males are superior) society, the only women who are working are generally those who are 1. single and 2. attractive. It is said in Korea that if you threw a stone on the street, you would probably hit someone who has undergone plastic surgery to enhance their beauty.

Back to The Face Shop. Everything was CHEAP. Like really CHEAP. You probably could have bought the same product in Singapore, just that the product in Korea would be 1. at least half the price, and 2. the shop salespeople would demonstrate to you on the spot how exactly to use them, and customise/fit it into your own daily beauty regimen (girls would probably understand this better haha). So the point was that everyone around me was grabbing this and that, and it was such a frenzy in the shop. Oh did I mention they even have products for men to enhance their looks artificially? Well, even my family was grabbing this and that because of the buy 5 (remember that each of the 5 is half the price in Singapore) get 1 free promotion. Admittedly, we bought so much they had to give us a bag to carry exerything. I saw some with luggage bags filled with products.

Amidst the frenzy, I was (regrettably) also tempted to pick up some of the cool products which make truly astounding claims to enhance one's looks: Note that this is because I have been having really dry skin that flakes after every shower I take. The theme and whole spirit of the shop and destination was this: I, ME and MYSELF. In The Face Shop, YOU can look good. YOU are in control of how beautiful/handsome YOU want to be. YOU need to look good. Looks matter. Outer beauty means the world to YOU. We can help YOU achieve perfection for a beautiful/handsome YOU.

I picked up a bottle of moisturising cream and was about to put it into a basket, convinced that I had got a really great buy...

Then the Lord said 'Julian, I love you just the way you are. The way you look right now? I love it, because I made you that way'. Wooooaaaahhhh. That made me sit up/stand upright suddenly. I stopped looking at the products on sale, and pricked up my (spiritual) ears to listen more.

To cut the long story short, that day I was so touched by God, and I felt His love so strongly. In the midst of everyone else grabbing face masks and collagen creams and stuff, I was contented. I was satisfied. It did not matter if I managed to buy what I wanted. It did not matter that I left The Face Shop without getting good buys and products to treat my dry skin and face. That was all secondary. I had God's own perspective of myself. That was all that mattered.

Smiling, I offered to help carry a box full of face masks from someone (enough to last at least year with daily use) and exited The Face Shop with a new perspective on beauty, looks and who I was. I got the best deal of all the people in that shop that day. I got a touch of God's love and the way He saw me :)

Beauty? Good looks? To God, we have them all :)

New Year Reflections and Apologies

2010-01-01T06:12:00.008+08:00

Yes folks! Once again its time to dust off your old dairies and notes on which New Year Resolutions were once written. For some, it could be a glorious time of reflecting on the triumphs and objectives completed; for others it could be a time of feeling guilty because of failure to achieve these aims.

But whatever they all are, I do believe that everyone deserves a fresh start at the start of the year. Wipe the slate clean, forget the past and past mistakes (but do remember to learn from them) And while there will definitely be many resolutions to be written down for myself, the hard part is always sticking to them - putting down thoughts on paper is totally different and much easier to do than actually carrying them out. But with God's strength and grace, I will try like many others to put plan to fulfilment.

And so with this theme of a fresh start in mind, I woould like to reflect on the past year of this blog's history :D Well, it is surely quite unexpected - the ways in which God has used this blog to touch others, and I am very encouraged to hear of how people have been impacted by this blog. This blog was really meant to just be for me to record down my own experiences and feelings so that hopefully others can see a change (no matter how gradual) and maturity (hopefully increasing) in the blog, to see Christ in my life. And if I have just one reader on this blog, its one reader beyond my expectations. So I thank God for everyone who has been touched by this somehow (definitely not my doing).

Moving on to some slightly negative points, I also am aware of others who might have been affected/offended by this blog. Thus I would like to take this opportunity to offer an apology to anyone offended by this blog *bows*. I do not claim to be perfect, and sometimes I myself do make mistakes. But I believe its all in the spirit of wanting to glorify God and to journal down my own thoughts and feelings. I'm sorry if they offend anyone in any way because of how I blog about stuff, especially with the more tongue-in-cheek posts :P If any post offends you, please do not hesitate to sound out (politely if possible) and I will definitely look into it. Promise :)

Well, that about sums out my experience of year 2009 (which includes having this blog) :) I have to say, previously I have definitely made far less mistakes and offended far less people. The moment I start to rise up and actually do things for God this whole year, I realised a trend of increasing mistakes. And I was really tempted to just give up and stop rising up. It didn't help at all that people were very quick to point out and magnify those rough edges in very aggressive and condescending tones.

But the Lord convicted me to continue serving and rising up. Yes its true that I have made many many (and for emphasis) many more mistakes now than before because I rose up. And it was only because of these mistakes that I make (and still continue to make) that I learn and grow more in God. The important thing is to learn from mistakes and never repeat them again. Its hard to face up to failure (and many times I look back in embarrassment/shame/regret/whatever-other-word-can-be-substituted) because it honestly does hurt. But I should always take things in a more positive light and stop beating myself up over every mistake I make. Its all in the spirit of growing to be more like God. Yes parts of me which are not glorifying and Christ-like are more magnified now that I step up. But because I do that, I get to be more aware of them and then take steps to change them and grow more into the man God calls me to be =)

So yeah, I guess it was one other major learning point for me this year: The more I serve, the more I make mistakes, but the more I will grow into God's likeness. Ok that is about it. I will share my Korean experience with my future self and to all you readers here in the next post =) Excited about what the new year brings; what God will bring into my life. Good/bad, I look forward to them all knowing that God is allowing them to happen to cause me to be more like Him in every way. God wants the best for me I believe, even if He has to go to the crappiest/dirtiest/messiest of places to find it (I'm not sure if those three words exist haha).

Blessed New Year to everyone who has the patience to read till this point! May God grant you and your family increasing abundance as He blesses you to be a blessing to the church, nation and generations. Happy New Year! XD

Post-holiday post :)

2009-12-31T00:03:00.005+08:00

I'm back from Korea!! :) Didn't realise Singapore was so humid and warm. The air was actually (i.e. literally) a blanket threatening to smother out my breathing. what was worse was that I could not escape it :X I had to stop and breathe for a few moments after coming out of the arrival hall before I was sure I would survive haha. Ok well, maybe it was a little exaggerated but it was still HOT. The comparison of the warm air to a blanket was quite accurate though :P Anyways, I have lots of stuff to share about the trip! (hope I don't forget) Because the trip was nothing short of restful, serene and yet exhilarating and awesome =)

From skiing down mountains to visiting the factory where Korean girls come out with porcelain faces to an enormous church with over 800 000 (YES I shall capitalise and bold this to emphasise haha: EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND) members (where they have to hold about 7 services on Sunday and even have services on weekdays); from plummeting down great heights on rollercoasters to taking underground subways and from walking down dirty and curious alleyways to get good bargains for stuff to a grand korean palace, God was there with me as I soaked up everything Korean about Korea. (I tried to sum up my trip but the attempt was far from my whole experience in Korea hahaha)

And I do believe, sincerely pray and hope that everyone who reads this blog (and here I take the opportunity to thank all faithful readers, no matter how small) will be given revelations by God somehow and experience God from my holiday as well!

Ok well I talked or rather typed too much. Still got a mountain of stuff to unpack :X And here is a confession I have to make which is pretty dangerous to all friends, so pardon me: Korea is somewhat of a first world nation, something like Singapore, so stuff there can be found in Singapore with comparable prices! Ok that sounds like a lame excuse right? It probably is :P

Truth is: The Lim family bought too much stuff for themselves. The prices of Korean stuff were comparable, but they bought just too much jeans (not mine) and hoodies (one was mine) and collared tees and ginseng (for others) and beauty products (obviously not mine) that their luggage added up to over 100kg :P Here I refer to us in third person because frankly I didn't get the chance to buy much because I really felt Singapore goods are more worth it ^.^ Nevertheless, my own luggage bag was filled with added stuff. So do forgive me if I offer you just a packet of sweets or something like that from Korea :P Trust me, I remembered you guys in Korea haha.

Anyhow, thank God for the amazing trip and I really pray I get the time to post my experiences in Korea! Schedule packed to the brim. Going overseas again next week. Sigh. God is still good! :)

Testimonies

2009-12-18T12:14:00.005+08:00

[Edited out on 31/12/2009. Content was on hindsight regrettably judgemental :P ]

P.S. Back from Camp IGNORMOUS! Touched by God and determined to continue trusting in Him and His plans for me. Just that I know its going to be very hard, and I seem to be so impatient for God to execute His plans and promises.

Post A levels

2009-12-08T11:05:00.004+08:00

Well well well, time to update my blog haha. It seems to be in a state of neglect after the A levels, and it is because I am too busy playing/going out/not sleeping enough and feeling crappy the next day haha. But I want to record this feeling of freedom and happiness now that As are over.

Thank God the A levels are finally over! :) Its now all in God's hands, and no matter what I did/didn't do, its just time to trust in Him and to watch how my life unfolds :)

'First tie your camel, then trust in the Lord' goes the old Arab saying. I guess my camel is tied (and quite securely too, with the amount of work I put in in my 2 years), and so now all I have to do is wait.

In this period of 'happiness' and 'celebration', it must be admitted that I feel a sense of purposelessness. One thing I noticed, is that my relationship with God tends to lean towards being inversely proportional to the amount of happiness/carefree-ness I have. It seems the more problems I have, the closer I want to lean to God. The more carefree my life, the less I seem to want to look towards God.

'Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; but blessed is he who keeps the law.' - Proverbs 29:18

I have to constantly tell myself that I need to have a relationship with God, and treat God as a person. I have to remind myself that I am fellowshipping with the God of the universe, and not just someone who listens to only my problems. God does not deserve being treated in this way. I think its time I let God into my life when I enjoy it - I am trying to do so everyday, and its a struggle, but one which I will have to live with, and discipline myself in.

And I think I've found out how: besides celebration, now is the time to sort things out, to think things out. Time to seek God and find out His plans for my life. Time to heal from the wounds of this year; time to recharge spiritually, mentally and physically for the next. Time to do all that with God.

'All of my life, in every season, You are still God.'

One thing is for sure, I will always be grateful and thankful for what God has done for me. Looking back on this whole year, and my whole life, I can definitely see the hand of God working.

I hope I will still continue to be posting here, because I still believe that God continues to use this blog to touch lives, and to speak to others (even though I don't think anyone still visits this blog). It will also continue to serve as an outlet for me to air my thoughts, and for me to be able to observe how I have changed.

Ok thats about it for today! Prom is tonight and I shouldn't be so serious if I want to enjoy it hahaha. This is the end of the serious me for today! Hope to upload some pictures (from prom) of those who made a difference in my life in JC soon!

Till then,
God be with us all

The prodigal son (continued)

2009-12-01T00:31:00.002+08:00

He woke up. Streams of sunlight, bright and rosy, flitted into the room and on to the white sheets. He heard the melodic chirping of the birds and the faint whisper of wind as he stretched out on the bed, rubbing his eyes. He was in perfect physical comfort. Realising where he was, he got up immediately and went downstairs - he was at home; not caked in mud and forced to live with pigs. As he came down, he watched as his father approached him. 'Son,' he said, 'I've calculated the total amount of money you have spent and now owe me. Its time to spend the rest of your life paying back your debts.'

That is the continuation of the parable Jesus told of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32), which I would have expected, because it is only sensible (to me at least). After all the merry celebrations; all the wonderful feasting on the fattened calf; the gifts of ring and robe, surely there would be debts to pay! Surely there are conditions to acceptance, and deeds to atone for!

But that is not what God's love is about. That is not how God works. Isn't that so hard to imagine? Yet, God still chose to die for us, and in all His grace and mercy wiped our slates clean. No matter how many times we've sinned, crossed the line and betrayed Him over and over again, He is still willing to accept us and to forgive us. Still willing to kill the fattened calf and celebrate over and over again at our return.

In my limited and constricted mindset I always envisioned God to be a God who is just like a businessman, or just somehow... human. I find it hard to accept that I can be totally forgiven.

And that's where gratitude and amazement begins to set in. I am just so blown away by the grace and mercy of God, which knows no bounds. How great is our God! How wonderful and worthy He is! How unworthy we are! Still, we can have the immense priviledge of being called children of God.

For no matter how far we run, God will always be there to receive us when we turn back to Him.

This is what God's continuation might be...

He woke up. Streams of sunlight, bright and rosy, flitted into the room and on to the white sheets. He heard the melodic chirping of the birds and the faint whisper of wind as he stretched out on the bed, rubbing his eyes. He was in perfect physical comfort. Realising where he was, he got up and went to the bedroom. His son was gone again. With a sigh and tears in his eyes, he walked to the storeroom. Opening it, he took out and unfurled the same banner that had been used many times before, with the words 'Welcome home son' painted on.

Motioning to his servants, he smiled and said 'Prepare the house for a feast. My son might be coming home again today.'

Staying Fit

2009-11-26T02:33:00.004+08:00

The wind whipped across my face as I pushed forward. Bending my head, I leaned forward to push myself ahead, towards the goal. Every muscle was concentrated on the sole purpose of propelling me forward; the lactic acid slowly building up in every limb. As I sprinted the final stretch of the long and steep hill towards the goal with lungs bursting, I only thought of one thing: air.

Yes, I am working out again! I decided once again to move myself out of sloth today, and I must admit, trying to get back to a relatively healthy state of fitness (where I don't have to think I'll get a heart attack every time I eat KFC) after 1 month of physical inaction is not easy.

Well, it never is right? I had to convince myself (literally) to drag all of me from lazing around the house to do interval training along some hill. ^.^

And I guess thats the same with our relationship with God. Comparing it to a workout is a gross misrepresentation to say the least, but God speaks through many unexpected ways doesn't He? =) Nonetheless, I still find that the analogy is relevant to a certain extent, which I will describe now: If we do not constantly 'work out' our relationship with God, its going to be harder and harder to do so. Not only that, but we will soon realise that our 'unfit' bodies would not be able to handle so much increased exertion after a long time of sloth.

Paul gets it right in this sense: 'Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed--not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence--continue to WORK OUT your salvation with fear and trembling' - Philippians 2:12

If we can spend so much time in gyms working out our own physical bodies; if we can spend so much MONEY buying stuff like protein shakes and other stuff which I do not know of, why neglect the one thing which gets us to the right place? Why not spend time, effort, patience and money even, on the one thing which lasts? People get old and (mabye) fat or (mabye) unfit, because our physical bodies are doomed. Why do we then not save the only thing which isn't?

Our connection with God is a relationship. It needs quality time and effort to build up. With God, there are many facets of Him to understand, and so many that we cannot ever know enough. God, like us, wants to give and receive love. Relationships are neither built up from 'prayer 3 times a day - at meals' nor from '15 minutes of reading the bible' without reflection or meditation on it, while we are thinking of what games to play after that, who to sms, what to write on people's wall in facebook or what to tweet on twitter.

It has to happen all the time: 24/7. Time spent with God can take the form of reading the bible, worshipping, or just plain old talking to God. Its never easy talking to someone who doesn't usually reply with words and speech, but its never wasted.

It is the most fulfilling and wonderful experience, to tell the creator of the entire universe about your day, because He actually bothers to listen to you, a small puny human in a planet with about 9 billion people? (sorry if this is wrong, I don't take GP hahaha) and thats not even including how many who have once walked this earth.

It is when we decide to share with God about ourselves, who in His infinite wisdom He already knows about, that a real relationship can take place.

I am working out my salvation (and my unfit physical body haha). Are you? Or are you just going to do nothing about it; just giving in to sloth?

In short, time to stay fit!

The Future...

2009-11-23T00:44:00.003+08:00

'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' - Jer 33:3

Ever wondered what you will become in the future? Ever wanted to know who you will marry, what job you will have, how much money you'll make and stuff like that?

Knowing what the future holds gives us security. It gives us a sense of control, that we actually know what we will eventually turn out to be. We sometimes want to feel like we are on top of everything - in short, we want to feel like God.

Trusting God with our future is never easy. It is not going to be certain, and it is not going to be a carefree path. But its going to be awesome.

The only thing God ever wants from us, is just our all. But for many of us, we don't want to submit to God's plan. We don't even ask God what He wants for us. Instead, we go about planning our OWN future, and our own path. In an attempt to justify our own decision to take our life in our hands and not submit it to God, we sometimes give excuses like:

'Oh I'm going to work hard to be rich, so I can give the church money'. Granted, being rich might be God's plan for SOME of us, but for some it is not.

'Oh I want to take up this CCA in school, but I will promise to share God with ppl around me in my CCA'. This is definitely an attempt to make our own plans seem like God's, if God never even called us there.

But Samuel replied: "Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. - 1 Sam 15:22

God does not want our money, and anything else we can try to give which does not start with 'o' and ends with 'bedience'. What does God need from us that He doesn't already have?

All God wants is our all, and our total obedience to His plans in the future for us. And sadly, many still fail to recognise this and we never once asked God what He wants from us. We try to give what we THINK God wants in our selfish pursuit of our own desires.

What does God want from you? Do we ask Him for His plan and purpose for our lives, or are we caught up in a self-righteous attempt to justify our own future so we can live life the way we want it to be?

For once, let us all submit to God and let God be God.

Forgiveness

2009-11-18T22:04:00.003+08:00

F...F... Forgiveness.

'Yucks,' you might think. 'Who wants to forgive? Forgiveness is for weaklings. Dish out your own revenge, hurt the person who hurt you and let them feel how it feels like. THEN forgive him, after you gloat over his/her misery.'

Not so fast.

'Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times' - Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV)

'Where is my right? He deserves it, and I have the right to do something to hurt him back.'

'What! You mean let someone off when he hurts me, not once, but so he can hurt me over seventy times? You must be joking.'

Nope, I am not. In fact, God calls us to forgive our neighbours again and again. Repeatedly. I believe that Jesus did not mean seventy seven times literally, but He is trying to emphasise the limitless amount of times we should forgive others.

Forgiveness is not something we GIVE to BENEFIT others. Forgiveness is something which we achieve, for ourselves. When we harbour bitterness towards someone else, that other person is DEFINITELY not going to know it, and that other person would probably not be hurt by your own unforgiveness. Being bitter towards someone, and bearing a grudge on someone, is just going to hurt yourself even more.

Plus, we also should forgive others, because we also need forgiveness. Are we as righteous and innocent as we really proclaim ourselves to be? I do not think so. We are all not perfect as well, and we should thus learn to forgive others who wronged us, just as we have sinned against God himself. This means that we do not have any right to either judge someone, to decide their punishment or to bear a grudge. When we do not forgive someone, we do not put our own bitterness at the altar, and it makes it harder for us to experience God.

Does this mean that the person who wronged me would be let off scot-free?

On the contrary, there are many passages in the bible which speaks of God's wrath upon those who wrong His people, or who have hurt them with evil intentions. This is not to say that we appeal to God, the highest authority, just because He is able to deal out greater punishments upon all who wrong us instead of us getting our 'own hands dirty'. Its ok to feel angry, but its not our job to judge others.

Let God be God, and let God judge others.

The important thing therefore, is for ourselves to forgive others, so we can continue to stay close to God. Sure, it is hard to forgive. Who says it isn't? When people hurt me in any way, my first reaction is to think of ways in which I can pay that person back. Forgiveness is against our own carnal nature, and we struggle to do so. Nonetheless, we should still forgive others. Its hard, I admit, and many times I have 'force' myself to forgive that person, while I allow God to do that inner work of forgiveness. When we do finally forgive, God then sets us free from the anger, resentment and bitterness which imprisons us.

Examine yourself, and ask if you are harbouring a grudge against others. And if you are, ask God for forgiveness. F...F...Forgiveness.

The F Series

2009-11-16T11:48:00.002+08:00

Hahaha ok pardon the title, but I decided to come clean. Over the next few days I shall talk about a few real issues I had to deal with (which starts with F), and hope that anyone reading this would be touched by God. So, without further ado, here's the first of the F series: Faith!

Now this is something which I have really learnt a lot about this year. It is easy to look at a lot of passages from the Bible and see pretty clearly that God will answer Christians' prayers. Here are a few samples:

"And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." Matt 21:22 (ASV)

"And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:15-16 (NIV)

Seems really REALLY awesome doesn't it? As long as we pray, in FAITH, we shall receive and our prayers will be answered. There is not much doubt about the verses, except when it doesn't happen in real life. Don't get me wrong - I truly believe that God can and does answer prayers. Its just that He doesn't all the time, and I don't know what affects his decision making process. This is a tension which I am forced to acknowledge by my own circumstances, and I have to admit that it is frustrating.

Its easy for others who have never faced tremendous disappointments in the face of an unanswered prayer to say 'Well, just look at the verses, obviously it has to be a prayer offered in faith. You have to ask in faith, 'believing' in your prayer. If your prayers are unanswered, theres your problem right there - you just simply did not have enough faith.'

I disagree with such statements on a couple of levels. My CF Committee prayed so hard for revival in ACJC. We fasted, fell on our knees, prayed fervently and really believed in it. For myself at least, I knew I was sold out to that belief. I 100% believed God would really show up in a miraculous way and everyone in ACJC would be saved. I can tell you I believed 100% that God would answer this prayer. Just that He didn't. In fact, I know of others who also believed in revival, and have prayed alongside the CF Committee and believed.

Are you suggesting that these people did not have 'enough faith' or 'belief? Or are you suggesting that one bad apple spoils the whole bunch - that my lack of belief or faith would offset the sincere prayers of everyone? Because I don't see that anywhere in the Bible. I have a hard time picturing God up there going 'Oh, ACJC is in need of a revival, I'd like to show up and do some awesome stuff. If only those Christians could muster up enough prayers in faith. Oh, here they come. Ok, these look really good. Wow, I'm seeing some real faith here. I think I'll go ahead and bring r-- Oh wait, look over there! That prayer doesn't have enough faith. Wow, what a stinker. That dude doesn't believe in what he prays, and he still stands and prays among the rest as if he really believed in it. I guess I won't be starting no revival, and let the opportunity for non-believers to be saved slip away.'

Next, I refer you to Matthew 17:14-21. The disciples are apparently unable to drive out a demon that Jesus drives out with ease. They ask why they couldn't do it and he replies, "Because you have so little faith." Wait, that contradicts my point right? Well, not so fast. Jesus goes on to say, then, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

That really changes things right? Becuase if I were to write my own version of that passage, Jesus would say 'Because, Disciples, after all the miracles you seen me perform, you guys still had no faith in me. But I understand all of you. Look, not everyone can become D.L. Moody or whatever. Not everyone has 100% mind-blowing, absolute faith in Me all the time. I know you, doubting Thomas. People are shaky and they doubt - not everyone is perfect. I understand that, I made you, and I love you anyway. All that I ask of you is that you have that teeny little faith in Me; real faith. The size of a mustard seed, as small as this period at the end of the sentence. Thats all I need to work my miracles in you.'

I think this passage sufficiently addresses the idea that God would not answer prayers because we did not have something as undefined as 'enough faith'. I'm sure I had faith as small as a mustard seed, at least, while I fervently sought for revival. But as to why revival didn't happen in ACJC, which really made me question God's plan and purpose, I cannot offer up any conclusive answer as of yet.

Faith is needed for God to work, but faith doesn't always mean God will work. That is the dichotomy in which I am forced to live by and admit. But one thing I know, is that I know God is real, and His plans are always the best. Mabye one day, when we all rise to heaven, we can then ask God why He didn't answer all prayers in faith. Or mabye, we might have the great privilege of understanding in our life, why God didn't answer that prayer initially, but somehow did later on. But for now, all I am going to do, is to trust in God's plan, move on, and continue having faith. What about you?

Faces faces, empty faces

2009-11-14T12:43:00.004+08:00

How we portray ourselves to others is actually a reflection of ourselves. All of us put up different facades and different faces in front of others. The extremes which we are actually reveal the hurts and the different experiences of our lives that shape us to what we are today.

Here's one example: I have tried to strive and portray myself as someone who is really hardworking and naturally clever since sec 1, because after my PSLE results, I was really torn because I didn't go to the school of my choice. Being called 'stupid' and 'worthless' by others didn't help either.

The extremes in which we put up in front of others are sometimes a reflection of what is inside of us. If we are broken inside, we put up a really happy and carefree facade in front of everyone else. If we are insecure, we criticise others in order to make ourselves seem like we got everything under control. If we feel lost and without a purpose, we act like we don't care.

Sometimes, we get so tired of putting up the facade and yet, we strive to continue smiling to the world. Sometimes we even lose our identity, or are confused about who we should be. We put on different facades like how we put on different clothes.

But when no one is around, it is where we know who we really are. Deep inside, in the deep recesses of our soul, we know who we are...

Sometimes, we try to come across as a really nice person, just to gain the acceptance of everyone around us. I have a confession to make: If I said 'I'll pray for you' anytime between the age of 13-16, I most probably didn't. It was just a way of making me seem like I cared, but that hurting and broken me didn't.

The amazing thing I found is that, no matter how much we try to pretend, God knows who we really are. He sees the true intent of our actions, and His gaze pierces the deepest facade we put up in front of others. He knows. And He still died for us; He still loves us all the same.

I gave up trying to put up a front before God; gave up acting in front of others. I realised I didn't need anyone's approval; I realised that God accepts and loves me just the way I am - the good, the bad, the ugly, the despicable, the detestable and the selfish old me. I am able to put off all my facades, and meet God face to face. What about you?

10 Things I know about Me

2009-11-13T00:02:00.003+08:00

Well, as I mentioned before, this blog is solely for selfish purposes on my part - I want to keep track of how I have progressed spiritually as well as in terms of personality. But its great how God can use imperfect motives for His purposes; impacting people with this blog. Anyways so here are 10 things about myself!

1. I have sarcastic/'black'/evil humour (according to others... haha. So number 1 is actually what I know about myself from people who know about myself!)

2. I am deeply misunderstood by people who do not know me personally. Others may think I am very quiet, mature, boring and square, but I think I am anything but those few characteristics! (except mabye mature... hahaha :P)

3. I am 'quiet' to others who do not know me personally because I can't be bothered to talk to them, or open up to them (honestly, I know this is not a good point, and I am trying to work on it haha)

4. I love God and try to follow Him as best as I can! :) (still working on it)

5. I like to play mind games... or do I? ^.^ (the weird smiley, which you would have figured by now, is to hint to you that I am trying to mislead you by the phrase 'or do I' because I wanted to mislead you initially but I realised that misleading you about me misleading you when in fact I am not is just so much more fun haha...only people who are very free would analyse this :P )

6. I watch soccer only because I imagine myself playing in the game (come on...everyone does this...right? :P )

7. I don't mind being called 'holy' for God, but I dislike the 'boring' and 'square' connotations associated with it, in reference to point 2 (being with God is anything BUT boring, I can assure you)

8. I am not very stressed during the 'most stressful time of my life' (this does not mean that my life is so stress free, but merely pointing out that the 'most stressful time of my life' is an overstated generalisation by others)

9. I love serving God and I don't regret giving up my desired CCA in JC to serve Him.

10. I learnt how to play the guitar by myself, and it gives me so much more satisfaction in that knowledge, because I did it so I could worship God with it. (and I admit of course, to play other secular songs as well)

11. I just realised I like to give very PC answers, and I tend to play everything in life safe. I want to take some risks! (which is why I purposely broke the 10 things rule and said 11 things instead hahaha)

The Glory of God

2009-11-10T13:45:00.004+08:00

Then Moses said, 'Now show me your glory.'

And the Lord replied 'I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence.'

Of course God did not immediately reveal himself to Moses, for Moses would have instantly been vapourised when faced with the sheer glory of God.

'You cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live'

But the Lord had a plan. The Lord Almighty knew this exact conversation between Himself and Moses would take place way before it did.

'There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen.'

The Lord had formed a cleft in a rock. Through thousands of years, natural erosion of the rock had taken place, all in preparation for that one moment - the closest instance when God and a human have met. God had formed the cleft for Moses to meet Him and be shown all the goodness and glory of God.

Who am I to doubt God's plans? Who am I to question the God who plans for everything thousands of years in advance before they even take place?

What would our response to God be when He reveals Himself to us? Job, who had undergone so much suffering and lost everything, who had the best case to question God's goodness and faithfulness in his life: even Job could have no response to the glory of God, but to say 'Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.' The glory of God causes all doubt to disappear, and questions about God's plan seem so ignorant and so foolish.

'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.' -Jer 29:11
Is this promise not enough for us to thank God? Is this not enough for us to submit our lives, our hopes and dreams to Him?

Therefore, I will go into the A levels, trusting and putting my faith in God. Looking back over a lifetime, the evidence is clear: God has been good.

'If I never have another blessing come my way, if this is all I know of heaven's kindness, Father I would still have to say: You have been good... so many ways, You've been good to me.'

One thing I ask, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord, all the days of my life. To worship Him in spirit and truth. To give my eternal gratitude to the one who gave it all for me. To come face to face with the everlasting Almighty God.

'Now show me Your glory.'

Whats in a prayer?

2009-11-09T13:38:00.003+08:00

Sooo... here is a light-hearted post about prayer in light of comments about how I pray :P Here's how to calculate your prayer score (note that I'm so not putting EVEN AS, as a minus score...haha):

1. Someone affirms your prayer with a grunt: 1 point
2. Someone affirms your prayer with an 'Amen!': 2 points
3. Someone frantically nods his/her head in affirmation followed by a 'Yes! Amen!': 3points
4. The pastor affirms your prayer: 4 points
5: You get a friendly tap to quickly wrap up your prayer: minus 1 point
6: You repeatedly call God's name as if He has forgotten it (e.g. Lord, God, Father...etc): minus 1 point per usage.
7: You insert your testimony in your prayer (e.g. Lord, remember when I was at the carpark yesterday and I...etc) : minus 3 points
8: Someone prays to cover up your prayer: minus 3 points
9: The pastor prays to cover up your prayer: minus 5 points
10: Someone puts his/her hand on you in affirmation when you pray: 2 points
11: Someone puts his/her hand on your mouth: minus 2 points
12: You managed to cover all prayer requests: 2 points
13: You did not pray for John's sick grandmother: minus 1 point
14: You did not pray for John's sick grandmother because you skipped church last week and you didn't know about it: minus 3 points
15: The pastor does a stranglehold on you to stop you from praying: minus 5 points
16: Someone bursts out in singing while you pray: 2 points
17: You are applauded as you pray: 5 points
18: Someone jingles his car keys while you pray, strongly suggesting he wants to go home: minus 3 points
19: Someone references to your prayer: 2 points
20: The pastor references to your prayer: 3 points

What's your average prayer score? Feel free to comment for other suggestions :)

P.S. EVEN AS I list this out, I do not actually take note of scores when people pray, so take this with a pinch of salt =) And yes! Do grow in prayer, because it is really really REALLY key to a healthy and awesome relationship with God :)

What are you working for?

2009-11-07T22:17:00.004+08:00

Its about 1 day to the A levels =) Trying to make sure everything is in order, and trying to retain facts. Going to the A levels with a heart of gratitude, and with an eye on eternity.

Why are we working so hard for? Are we working so hard just to get good grades so we can qualify for admission into a university of our choice which allows us to get a safe and secure job for the rest of our lives (i.e. working hard again)? Why do we work so hard just to work hard in the future?

Meaning and purpose are crucial and important for myself. I want and really need something to work for, and I have found it. I work not for the material wealth on earth, which is purely temporal. Why work so hard for something which doesn't last? If I were studying this hard just to earn money, it really makes no sense to me at all.

I want to study hard and work hard, to build and extend God's Kingdom. I'm storing up treasures in heaven. That's the only thing that lasts. And truly, having an eye on eternity is what keeps me going - what makes me slog so hard for my studies and in serving God in church, always giving my best to God. But what is also important, is the total trust in God which needs to accompany hard work. I didn't take up CF as my CCA for an awesome CCA record, thats for sure. I know these days, getting into university is going to be so much more competitive, and getting a job is as well. But I really put my trust with God on this issue. I guess I wanted to put my faith into action: not opting for a higher profile CCA in JC, but serving God in CF and in church (which i do not get secular recognition for)

What is your legacy you would leave behind?

If I ever had the privilege of knowing any of you readers personally, I guess you would know what I'm working hard for:

I worked hard in JC to (hopefully) get into NUS law school after my A levels. I want to be a christian lawyer who stands up for what he believes in; who shows other lawyers that you can stand firm in justice and your values and still be a good lawyer. I want to impact my clients for god and I want to go to criminal law so I can bring convicts to god - hopefully showing Jesus Christ to them through me, and help them live a life for God. And mabye being a criminal lawyer wont bring in as much cash as a corporate lawyer but again, money is not the most important thing to me. And its just going to be so much more of a good testimony for God, if I really do get in, WITHOUT a prestigious CCA record endorsed by the secular world. I hope that if I do get in, then others then can be inspired to put God first and to serve Him in church especially in their JC lives - rarely do we get such opportunities to touch others in life.

But again, if I do not get into law school, I really know God has other plans for me, and I would place my life on the line for that statement.

As is said, the sole purpose of one's life is to follow after God and to bring Him glory in everything one does. The rest are basically entertainment decisions =)

I know what I am working for, and I have trust in the one whom I work for. Do you?

What (Christian) Men Want, Really

2009-11-05T16:33:00.005+08:00

Decided to talk about real and personal issues, because there is nothing unspiritual or wrong about dealing with issues regarding the opposite gender, and being honest about what makes us males tick. So, here is my attempt to hopefully provide a perspective of what Christian men want or should want, really (or at least, what this Christian man wants, because it will be too simplistic of me to generalise for every single male). What follows will be a narrative - whether it is non-fiction or fiction is for you the reader to discern - and some final closing words:

The first was hot, fullstop (nothing sexual about this reference, but just another word to describe beauty). A head-turner wherever she went, and one who could probably get whoever she chooses. The seemingly perfect one. But as the days passed, what was once beautiful on the outside had lost its beauty. 'Beautiful' was something which did not last forever. Going purely based on looks would eventually lead to a relationship which does not last, and one which is as temporal as your own feelings and perception of beauty.

The next had charm. An outgoing personality coupled with a sharp intellect and beauty. Why not? After all, we go for both personality and looks right? Wrong. Over time, this seeming attraction also faded, giving way to a realisation that she was not as perfect and ideal as was first thought. No one is perfect, and even the most wonderful character would be ultimately flawed, as we are all human.

The last nearly had it all. Beauty? Check. Intelligence and wit? Check. Humour? Check. Loves God? Check. All these, plus a certain innocent-like quality that gives rise to the phrase 'cute'. One could feel comfortable being around such a rare person. However, it was not meant to be. The timing was not right and in short, she was attached before anything developed.

Finally I understood what I really wanted...

Beauty, personality, charm, intellect and a whole host of other pleasant attributes you can ever name. All of these are secondary. What matters first and foremost, is the deep and unyielding love for God. The ability to be first a Christian and then a romantic. The rest are merely extra embellishments to make the relationship more exciting and intense - they all fade after time. The ability to centre God and place Him as a priority is what is important. Of course the others (e.g. beauty) do play a influential part of my choice, but it can be overlooked (to some degree). For anything other than love which draws us to God is called lust.

The love of God when experienced by both lovers, would develop into a relationship with such depth and self-sustainable love - the love for each other would draw both close, and in turn bring about a deeper love for God, which in turn highlights and brings about more love for the other. Always with the same person, but deeper and deeper each time. There can be no limit to such love. A strong trinity between the lover, the beloved and the love that flows and overwhelms both parties.

Let us all not forget the giver of unconditional love, who demonstrates to us how we should love. 'For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only Son, that whosover who believes in Him will not perish, but have eternal life'.

Therefore what I want, really:
The next one... shall possess external attractiveness, but also a deep inner glow or 'presence'. Expression of godliness and character is essential and inseparable from the superficial display; both work in harmony and synergistically to enhance the other's traits. First a Christian, then a romantic. Always looking to love others, because of the overflowing abundance of love coming from the love of God. One whom I will love forever; until death do us part.

Idealistic and unrealistic? Not to me - I trust in God to bring me such a person to love, care for and protect all the days of my life.

What about you? What do you want, really?

Why we use the word 'desert'

2009-11-04T20:20:00.003+08:00

Ok lets move from something wet yesterday, to something dry today. Yes my friend - really really dry (read: not boring, but in a more literal sense, dry). I hope to provide a perspective on perhaps why Christians use the term being in the 'desert' (read: it is not merely a nice phrase that sounds really complex) Remember the song 'Desert Song' by Hillsongs? Why is it called 'DESERT' song?

~This is my prayer in the desert/when all that's within me feels dry~

Welcome to the desert my friends =) Here's some survival knowledge of the desert we should know in our various walks with God:

1) The desert is a place of isolation - no one is around. Nobody peeking over your shoulder to see if you're behaving like a Christian. Here in the desert, Christendom is a long way away. Here in the desert, no one knows about your vows, your convictions, and no one expects you to uphold them because no one cares if you do or don't. You could sin, and no one would know, in fact, it was most "normal" of you to do so - you could revert back to the laws of the jungle (or desert) and let human instinct take over.

2) The desert is where you're at the mercy of the environment. The sun will beat down mercilessly on your back in the day, and frost will reach your very bones at night. No food, no water, no sign of life, except the most poisonous of snakes and scorpions. It is a very DRY place, which gives rise to the phrase 'my walk with God is dry'.

3) In the desert is a lack of sustenance. No abundance of the usual things we feast on so gluttonously. No conferences, seminars, commentaries, 5 different versions of Bibles. It is a place where 'God is silent'. No new revelations, but a time when you get to think long and hard about the stuff you've already learned. Now is the time to make sense of your walk with God, to ask yourself if you really believe it - out here, like you thought you did back there.

In the desert, it is a place where your walk with God is shown truly for what it is. Your walk with God is manifested in the desert, not built in the desert. It sounds absurd to say that 'you will learn how to survive in the desert when you are in the desert,' because you are already supposed to know how to survive. It is thus not a time to learn, but a time to put what u learn into practice, even when 'God is silent'.

I have seen the desert claim many lives (again, not literally of course) Lives whom I once thought were so on fire for God; who jumped and lifted their hands the highest. Lives who seemed to belt out songs we sing so passionately and with much gusto.

When God tests us in the desert, it is not because He doesn't know the condition of our walk with Him. It is so that WE will know our own walk with Him. It is to see what we are made of - whether we will revert to animal instincts or abide in the Spirit. It is to test our perserverance and faithfulness so that WE will see it for ourselves, how far we have truly come, or not. It is where we choose to either stay close and still praise and serve God, or give up.

The desert is a place where we will go and meet God alone, at some point in our lives. Are you ready?

In the eye of the storm

2009-11-03T23:36:00.007+08:00

'In all storms, the eye is the location of the storm's minimum barometric pressure: the area where the atmospheric pressure at sea level is the lowest.' -Your ever friendly wikipedia.

Ever been in the eye of a storm? I myself have never been in the eye of the storm, but I have seen it being illustrated in movies like 'The Perfect Storm', released in 2000 and directed by Wolfgang Peterson. The eye of the storm is the place where it is the most peaceful and serene. In the eye of the storm, everything else around you may be going crazy, and everything around you may be bleak and overwhelming. But In the eye of the storm, you can rest in the calm and utter serenity of nature. In the eye of the storm, you are safe.

Right now, everything around me seems to suggest that I should be in a storm. And a HUGE one at that. Stress, mental/emotional/physical breakdowns, fear and anxiety seems to characterise just about everyone doing the A levels in 5 days time. What makes me so different from 'everyone'? Why do I look forward to the A levels in 5 days, instead of cursing it like 'everyone'? (read: 'everyone' is a hasty generalisation on my part, meaning most of everyone, or just about anyone, or just about everyone)

I guess I can only offer up two phrases to anyone who asks me why I feel so calm and relaxed: 1) total trust in God and 2) hard work. Lets address point 1 first. I have full trust in God because I know that He has a plan and purpose for me. Even if I do 'badly' according to my standards, I will still trust in God's plan. Will I be distressed/confused/uncertain if i do badly? Of course! But I know that God would have a purpose for me doing badly. How I respond to situations would reflect my character. Do I choose to 1) become bitter and bear a grudge against God or 2) Trust in Him and His purpose, which would eventually lead me to greater things THROUGH and BECAUSE OF the lesson I learnt? The answer is simple: I choose to trust God. I guess that is the best I can do (for now at least, because I am writing this at 12am after studying for over 10hours) to try and elucidate my perspective, and to bring it across to you, the reader.

I am simply swept into the eye of the storm by God, and in it I feel safe. I feel calm and serene, when the normal instinct would be to panic and suffer from great anxiety. And for simply protecting my emotional, spiritual and mental health during this period, I can thank God and His everlasting love for me.

With regards point 2, I guess hard work throughout the 2 years of my JC education really REALLY paid off. There were times where I felt that I was not going to make it, times when I certainly felt that I would never be able to remember everything, much less apply them effectively in exam conditions. But I'm happy to say that with perserverance granted by God's grace (you must be thinking why this person is thanking God for everything, but this person really acknowledges that it is God who deserves all credit, no matter how small or big the credit may be) I managed to improve slowly and steadily. I guess I approach the As knowing full well that I have worked hard, and the results are in God's hands - which again relates to point 1.

Therefore, in the final analysis, this blog post recognises that 1) without God, this writer would never be able to approach the A levels with the quiet confidence he now possesses and 2) without hard work through perserverance generated by total reliance on God, this writer would never be able to write this post, as he would be frantically studying and going insane like most others.

In conclusion, a synthesis of the complex combination of factors leading to the writer's serene state of mind is to be argued for. The synthesis can be simply summed up as: With God, all things are possible.

The power to change lives

2009-11-02T19:53:00.006+08:00

Life before and after Christ changed their lives.

What if this was my welcoming committee to heaven?
I'll be overwhelmed, just like I am right now.

These are their testimonies...
What's yours going to be?

Break to build

2009-11-01T20:58:00.003+08:00

In sports, all you train for is for the moment. In that moment, all you need is just that one extra push to victory. One extra burst of speed, one extra stroke, one extra shot can seperate what might be certain defeat or certain victory. That is why athletes train. Athletes train to live in that moment. They push their bodies beyond the limit- training at levels no other human has ever gone. They break their bodies, to build it up stronger than before. They condition their bodies as much as they can before the moment, but know that they can never prepare enough for it...

Ultimately, what separates the winners and the 'second bests' is what they give at that moment. The desire to win pushes them past the limit, beyond what human bodies can bear:

'You gotta work hard to win'

Talent gets one only so far. What matters more is the hard work behind the talent. Coming closer to the finish line never felt so great before, and yet also never felt so hard to push as before. What do I have left? Nearly nothing. What must I give to win? More than everything.

Who can I count on? I can count on God, for I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Debates about God

2009-10-31T23:39:00.006+08:00

Ok now recently, I've been watching several debates going around about Christian ministers debating with atheists. (yes, I know I should be studying since its 9 days left to A levels and I have...haha)

Personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable doing so, because I have seen Christian debaters losing their cool on stage. They become aggressive and forceful about the debate, lost in the heat of the moment- which becomes a bad testimony of God. Some didn't display the gracefulness and self-control which i seem to recall are Christian attributes.

Another thing I learnt is: You will hardly ever convert a non-believer into a Christian by debating. So what if you win by poking fallacies at every point of his/her argument? You may win the battle, but lose the war. DEMONSTRATE the love of God to them instead of trampling down on every single one of their points, and instead of even going so far as to commit to an argument ad hominem (i.e. personal attacks). I feel that doing so doesn't really preach the gospel as well? Mabye its a personal opinion...

Then again... I can't recall an example of when Jesus debated with others about God. I guess He was the best example to follow. (pardon me if I am wrong, and if there are instances of Jesus debating with others about God, feel free to post the specific passage in the tag board. thks)

So, I guess we need to really start reaching out to others and their needs, and let God do the rest. Lets not waste what precious little time we have to engage in more debates that will only serve to show others that Christians are no different from anyone else, and that they don't seem to follow after Christ.

Spread the love through actions yo ;)

Failure?

2009-10-31T00:55:00.002+08:00

Failure is NOT final. Failure does not define you, nor does it make you any less than the awesome and wonderful creation of God that you are. Failure is not an indication of your spiritual walk with God, but can be an influence on your walk with God. How do you deal with failure?

For me, I learnt that in times of failure, the most important thing is to stick close to God. Staying close to God helps to shape your perspective on things, and how things will turn out. Staying close to God will help you to eventually overcome your failure!

Looking back, I can see that every instance of huge failures in my life were put in place by God to teach me something, which strengthens my faith and trust in Him more =) Looking at failures that way also helps you to look at where you went 'wrong' or rather, where your 'lesson' is. Learn from failure instead of beating yourself up.

Making yourself feel positive after failure or making yourself feel very negative after failure: both require the same amount of effort. Which do you choose?

~When you don't understand; when you don't see His plan; when you can't trace His hand, trust His heart~

God always wants the best for us, of that I am certain, for God works for the good of those who love Him. I trust in God's plans and purposes for my life, and submit my wants, dreams and desires all to Him.

Therefore, failure to me is never final, but merely a chance for me to grow closer to God and trust Him more. What about you?

'Do not judge, or you too will be judged...' Matt 7:1

2009-10-29T11:56:00.001+08:00

Next time, before we say something too hastily and judge someone, let us consider the eternal effects this might have on someone's life.

2009-10-28T15:08:00.004+08:00

I get it now God. Breakthroughs do not come when I want them to. Breakthroughs do not happen just because Julian commands them to happen.

Breakthroughs happen when I place my trust in You and trust in Your plans, so that when the problems come, and trails and temptations beseige us every single day, I will still have the strength to stay the course; to shout Your praise. Breakthroughs come when we least expect it. Breakthrough can come when you are sitting in front of your computer and you give praise to God; when u finally decide to align your perspective to God's. Breakthrough can happen when you are praising God on your guitar - alone in your small and enclosed room, you encounter the greatness of God that spans the universe and beyond. Alone in your room, you realise you have the omnipresent God who never leaves you nor forsakes you. Breakthrough happens when you admit your ways are not higher than God's, and you realise how foolish you were to try and make things happen according to YOUR PLAN - your small, shortsighted and uninformed plan.

I get it now God.

2009-10-27T23:43:00.002+08:00

~My God is bigger than my exams~

Finally... =)

2009-10-27T13:56:00.006+08:00

Well, its been really long since I updated my blog! But well, I'm doing this so that I can refer back to this period that I am facing in the future, and just recall God's goodness, kindness and faithfulness (even if no one is looking at this blog) haha. If anyone is actually reading this, hope that you will be encouraged by my testimonies and be inspired by how God has moved in my life =)

OK so major update time... School has ended for me, and now I'm just slacking *ahem studying* at home. Looking back at how my life in JC has turned out, well I can really say that I did not waste my 2 years in ACJC. I guess there were many decisions which were on hindsight still really painful that I went through, and there were many things which still I don't really understand why it happened the way it did. But all I know is that I still trust in God's plans and purposes for my life, and I know that the trials I faced in JC were for a reason. I trust ultimately in God's faithfulness and all He has done for me.

So well, here are but some things which I can thank God for in JC:

1) My rising up and leading Ro(ar)yal Raiders
- This really stretched me in ways I never imagined, and put me through so much: all the worrying about cell, the praying and desperately begging (yes literally, begging) God to move and breakthrough in cell, the faithfully serving and putting in so much effort and time into sowing into the lives of others (when sometimes I feel as if it is not sinking in and feels like I am sharing to walls). Nonetheless, I can thank God for how He has been faithful, and sustained me with strength to hang on and persevere in at least running the cell as best as I can. Still hoping for a breakthrough in cell though. But even if I don't get to see another breakthrough ever, or witness any miracles in cell, or even sth as small as growth in numbers, I believe that God, You are still faithful and You are in control. Had a revelation one day: 'Who am I to demand for miracles and breakthroughs to happen? I am but God's vessel. Ultimately, I can only try my best to influence others to follow Christ as I have. The rest is up to them, and God.'

2) My prayer life
- Another aspect in which I have really grown so so much in. Never thought that others can tell/see a real relationship with God through prayer, and I never thought that prayer can do so much. My perspective on prayer has been totally altered and this has a direct link to the point above =)

3) My ministry in CF
- Watching how others, and even myself, rise up to serve God, and run with each other really encourages me. I thank God for a team of awesome CF Comm members who so willingly ran together and put so much effort into God's kingdom. If any one of you guys are reading it, press on! I'm very sure that you guys will grow up to be real MEN and women of God (Men first! muahaha... kidding hehe) who will impact our generation and the generations before and after for the glory of God =)

4) The friends who so willingly supported me
- Thanks guys, you know who you are =) I really want to say a BIG THANK YOU to all who have encouraged me to press on. Thanks for always being there, I really treasure you guys so so much. You guys made me feel less alone in my walk with God.

And there are so many other examples like this. All the times of testing, moulding and humbling. I really want to thank God for bringing me through deserts and fire, without which I would not be able to grow and become who I am today.

So now there's the BIG As to look forward to! Though I am unsure of the results and how things will turn out, I guess looking back at how God has worked through my JC life, I can say that I FULLY TRUST in His plans and purposes for me. I know that, come what may, God will always be there and I always have Him to lean on =) He will bring me through my trials, and I will emerge the better for it; because of it. :)

For God will always be God yesterday, today and forever.

Commitments are meant to last

2009-04-30T23:54:00.004+08:00

Just this week, I've talked to at least 3 people about relationship stuff... haha. Amusing because I have never had one before, and I found myself explaining my stand and actually advising others who are in one/going to get into one soon/are unsure about it. Well, so here is my perspective of relationships in general (including some interesting stories and personal experiences). Hope that it will somehow impact you, the reader. =) If it doesn't change your stand on things, its ok, because it was never meant to force you to do so. Hopefully it will provide you an alternate perspective or at least elucidate the concerns of a relationship to help you IF you are in one now =) So.... essentially there is no harm reading on- it might actually be beneficial haha. XP

My personal decision with regards to relationships:

I won't get into a relationship too quickly because I want to serve God with the best years of my life.

I feel that this commitment really tests my faithfulness and perseverance. Its not like I don't WANT to get into a relationship right now in JC, but about submitting my wants to God and trusting that He has the best plan for me. I feel that for myself, JC life is simply too busy for me to really devote time to that special someone and I would only be shortchanging myself AND the special someone if I were to get into a relationship now.

Also, it might be tempting to just go ahead just because everyone has one. Thus my commitment not to get into a relationship during my JC life. I KNOW and TRUST that God has that someone special out there for me, and one day when I meet the person, I will be able to look her in the eyes and say with all sincerity, that I had waited for her because I always trusted that God will bring her into my life =)

Looking back at how I have seen this commitment through my JC life, it has not been easy at all! There were times in which I had let thoughts of compromise into my head, and times in which I admittedly got distracted :P Well, I'm like a teenager 'full of raging hormones' as Ms Loh would say hahaha. But I'm proud that I have placed my wants and desires below God's will, and given Him the best years of my life dedicated to serving Him and His kingdom. Would I want a relationship now? OF COURSE! But I know whats good for me in the long term, and I know what God wants for me. So special someone, if you get to read this in the future, I kept the faith and waited for you =)

That about concludes my talk about relationships haha. I am sorry if I do not give very useful insights and have just wasted your time. *bows* I do not claim to be the know-it-all in relationships, nor do I hope to do so. The limitations of this post are that: 1) I do not have a relationship yet and thus may not understand fully what it is like, and 2) is from a Christian's point of view. Nonetheless, through my observations of people in relationships now, I believe that I have made relatively informed statements and that I still find that not getting into a relationship now is the best for me. Please do not label me as presumptous because of this :P

P.S. this was written quite awhile ago, and I found it in my drafts and decided to publish this. Note that not much time was wasted in posting this (i.e. The opportunity cost was not very high) :)

I'm Counting on God!

2009-04-12T22:41:00.002+08:00

'Joy unspeakable that won't go away, with just enough strength to live for the day. I'll never have to worry what tmr will bring, cos my faith is on solid rock- I'm counting on God!'

Waiting?

2009-04-01T20:40:00.008+08:00

Haha, its been really long since I updated this blog... so many things have been happening in my life, since my last post. I'll try to recall:

OGL camp was super fun! Thats me and Kanin, my fellow OGL along with Sarah Loo :)

The rest of Feb was catching up with school work and life haha. And then terms came and went, and I've been taking charge of cell more often in church too. =) And recently after Terms, I went out with my friends, staying at Russell's house and going out =)Here's me enjoying myself =)

Yup, but I realised that I had been WAITING for things to happen I was waiting for the world to change without doing anything about it. But I realised that as Christians, we cannot afford to WAIT for things to happen. We need to MAKE things happen, to reach out to our friends, to reach out to people who are hurting and to reach out to our generation. If you are a Christian and are looking at this blog, don't WAIT anymore! Don't be laid back! Start PRAYING! Start rising up in influence and impacting lives around you! Step up, do the things God wants you to do! I've stepped up and taken ownership of my walk with God and my ministry (CF and Church). Have you? Or are you just waiting...waiting for the world to change...

We need to act

2009-01-28T23:25:00.001+08:00

It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in
Trying to fade into the faces
The girls' teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know

CHORUS
But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
There is a way

A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat
And quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances tells him that his chances
Are better out on the road

CHORUS
But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way

Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the Body of Christ

Chorus (2x)
If we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way

Jesus is the way

Trees...

2009-01-25T00:41:00.006+08:00

When following God seems to be very lonely, when growing in God seems to be such a solitary task, sometimes, it gets very discouraging. Why do people not want to grow in God? Why do they not want to rise up and start sowing and growing roots to stay firm in God so that they can never be shaken? Why do they grow some roots, only to be cut down by a lack of conviction to stay the course? It feels very isolatory, this business of growing in God. Do I go through this alone? Do I face trials, experience breakthroughs, see miracles, feel God and worship Him alone? Is there no one else who is willing to walk beside me, walk with me and persevere through?

In these uncertain and end times, I can't fight this battle alone. This tree cannot grow alone. It needs to grow alongside other trees. I will also never fight alone. There will always be God standing by this tree, every process of cutting off parts which are not worthy for Him, every part which is not of Him. He will be with me, through the ups and the downs and the highs and lows.

Lord, use me to grow a forest. Use this single tree to nurture, lead and grow a forest for You. It is really tiring to stand alone sometimes, but I know that Your strength will be there to sustain me. I know You will stand by this tree all the days of its life, that this tree will be used by You to create a forest. That this tree will impact its surroundings and touch lives; this tree will bring in a great harvest for Your kingdom......

~ Bring in the harvest~

The Old Violin

2009-01-18T00:37:00.002+08:00

'But the Master comes and the foolish crowd
Can never quite understand,
The worth of a soul and the change that's wrought,
By the touch of the Master's hand.'

Much like the old violin, we ourselves are scarred, broken, useless and worthless. It is truly the Master's hand which takes up us old violins and begins to use us to begin to play the sweetest, most captivating music ever. The Master took what the old violin had to offer, and not what the violin did not have. Likewise, God takes the uselessness of us and makes us into people capable of impacting and changing the world. Truly, we must be awed at how the Master uses us.

'Why me Lord? Why this rejected, small and unworthy life?'
'To show that I am God through you.'
'What is demanded of me?'
'Nothing you cannot give.'
'What do I have to gain?'
'Everything I can give.'
'Then take it all Lord, use me as your instrument. Take what I can offer. Its not much as I only have limited talents.'
'Its not what you can do, but what I can do through you.'

~Use me as Your old violin

Thank God for those who have sown into my life

2009-01-12T22:51:00.004+08:00

~Thank God for Bro Victor and Sis Grace

The road less travelled...

2009-01-11T22:49:00.009+08:00

I did this poem in like 20 mins so bear with the lousy poem =) Just a poem to glorify God and hopefully reach out and speak to people =)

The Road Less Travelled

Life is a journey unlike a bed of roses
It is a journey full of twists and turns
How hard it is to travel! How easy it is to get lost
Many take the easy way out

On the road less travelled
Lies challenges far beyond any human
On the road less travelled
Lies obstacles too high to scale

But on the road less travelled
When man may stumble and man may falter
The One who made the way
Will be there to carry them through

But on the road less travelled
Awaits a surprise at life's very end
On the road less travelled
Lies a reward for those who are able to reach the end

OGL camp

2009-01-11T01:13:00.003+08:00

OGL camp was really fun! =) but it was tiring. hahaha. Everyone was so high and happy after tt, and I really enjoy being with AZLAN!! my orientation camp. haha. But srsly man... the other clan's cheers are quite cool, especially Mushu's with the dum-dum-dee-dum thingy hahahaa. Anw, as I went through the camp, I just felt in my heart that God really wants to do something in ACJC this year. Everything is poised for a revival in ACJC, and I felt that God has been telling me to change the stats from 30-40% christians to 70% of students in ACJC becoming christians. That means like more than 500 ppl getting saved I think. Wow.... if that can really happen, and most ppl in ACJC become christians on fire for god, MANY MANY more will be saved, considering how enthu and super passionate OGLs there are in ACJC. If every OGL is a christian on fire for god... whaoo. =)

Updates

2009-01-06T22:54:00.001+08:00

Me with my bottom braces! Ouch ouch :P OGL camp tmr!! =)

With my everything...

2009-01-05T22:49:00.003+08:00

Open our eyes
To see the things that make Your heart cry
To be the church that You would desire
Your light to be seen

Break down our pride
And all the walls we’ve built up inside
Our earthly crowns and all our desires
We lay at Your feet

Let hope rise
And darkness tremble
In Your holy light
That every eye will see
Jesus our God
Great and mighty to be praised

God of all days
Glorious in all of Your ways
Oh the majesty the wonder and grace
In the light of Your Name

With everything
With everything
We will shout for Your glory
With everything
With everything
We will shout forth Your praise

Our hearts they cry
Be glorified
Be lifted high above all names
For You our King
With everything
We will shout forth Your praise

2009-01-04T23:32:00.003+08:00

~I will wait upon the Lord~

A New Season...

2009-01-03T23:46:00.002+08:00

'Open the eyes of my heart Lord, that I may see the things which You have called me to do, the people I need to reach out to and the season that I'm stepping into.'

CH farewell for me today. Thank God they didn't manage to make me cry. HAHA. But yeah, as I look back on my time in CH, I can safely say that indeed, God has taken whatever that I have and used it for His glory. As I look back over the years to see how many lives I have touched or impacted, I can truly say that it all has to be God's work. I can also truly say that God has been faithful with the little things I have. He has really used this life of mine which is so small. He has taken something so small and used it for His great plans. Truly, it all is God's amazing grace that He even used me to touch others. I'll look back at CH with such fondness and I leave with a little sadness, but I believe God has called me to greater things in Him, greater heights, more things to learn in rising up in prayer this year.

Prayer Task Force meeting. Wow! Have you ever seen powerful prayer warriors gather together in the same room to pray for one specific goal in mind? After today, I can safely say I have! Its nothing like this earth! The prayer time we had together before service was one of the most dynamic, powerful and impactful corporate prayers I have been to. Everyone was praying so fervently and with so much authority I felt that if we prayed for anything in the world, it would be accomplished. haha. Really taught me many things today, and opened up my eyes to the wonderful world of prayer. Haha. The moment the PTF members went to the meeting, they all suddenly 'whipped' out their Bibles and began to find verses with which to pray for, and it was like they were ready with their weapons and ready to war in the spirit. totally awesome man... haha. With such a strong backing for the ministry, no wonder we could grow to almost double our size this year. Hehe. I'm glad that I've joined the PTF, and I can say that I can see that its the right choice that God has for me to transit.

Cell today. Cell today was 'new'. haha. I guess everyone was really new to each other and kinda stuck to their cliques. But I believe that my cell will warm up to each other eventually and that each of us will begin to share our lives, build each other up, and grow in god together! i for one, will make this cell gel and come together, so that all of us can see God working through this cell. yup. I know God has great things in store for this cell. All we need to do is to gel together, and prevent the enemy from destroying this cell. I declare that this cell will bring in the harvest for God! I'll need God's strength to help run the cell in Bro vic's absence. I know that God will grant me the strength to carry on despite Jan being a really busy year for me, to catch up with school and to settle in my new ministry, so I'll be leaning totally on God to carry me through.

Yup thats all for today! 2009 has started pretty well and I think I've hit the ground running. Relying on God to see me through this stressful year!

One day...

2009-01-02T15:55:00.004+08:00

Today was a 'boliao' day haha. Mugging, playing com and worshipping with guitar. I'm so looking forward to saturday! haha. And I'm actually quite excited about going back to school, cause I know God has things set out for me to accomplish in school.

God's been speaking to me recently about how I should commit all my stress this year to Him. Whenever I think about the year ahead, the stress of life, the rigours of school and the MEGA BIG A level exams next year, I start to feel discouraged and super low. (And ppl actually notice! Russell kinda asked me if I was ok cos I looked stressed. haha) But God told me in an in-your-face manner to commit all my worries to Him and trust that He has the best plan.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways" declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways- Isa 55:8

And I kinda felt bad for doubting God and for not trusting in Him and His plans for me so I went to worship Him playing my guitar, and I felt that He was there to reassure me that no matter what will happen, He is always mighty to save and that He will always pick me up and carry me forward when I feel stressed. Thank God! =)

My Time Is Now

2009-01-01T19:36:00.006+08:00

'Found love beyond all reason
You gave Your life Your all for me
And called me Yours forever
Caught in the mercy fallout
I found hope found life
Found all I need
You're all I need

The time has come
To stand for all we believe in
So I for one am gonna
Give my praise to You

Today today it's all or nothing
All they way
The praise goes out to You
Yeah all the praise goes out to You
Today today I live for one thing
To give You praise
In everything I do
Yeah all the praise goes out to You

All we are is Yours
And all we're living for
Is all You are
Is all that You are Lord'

The time has come. 2009 will bring with it new changes and new doors will be opened for me. I will not be shaken, I will not be moved. I'm gonna give all the praise and glory to God. I'm gonna run with God in 2009.